diary of a suburban momma

2009-11-13T14:25:00.000-08:00

this momma is on the move. since the addition of poppy, i thought i'd change the web address to my blog to be more inclusive.

you can now find my random musings (if you so desire) at htt://www.diaryofasuburbanmomma.blogspot.com

roll with it

2009-11-09T13:24:00.004-08:00

i am pretty sure that we are done having babies... but i also thought that after d was born, so don't hold your breath. apparently God had other plans for us, but that's a post for.. well it won't ever be a post because it is private (pick your jaws up, people, i do keep SOME things private). however, with the mindset that this is my last baby, i am trying to savor her every moment. i just don't want her to grow up too fast. i want her to be a teeny tiny babe for as long as possible.

it might backfire on me, as it is a slight possibility that i am creating a very co-dependant girlie. that's a risk i am willing to take. the problem is that there are some things you don't have control of. this little one is growing up too fast. at 3 months and 1 week, my baby (chasing her thumb of all things) has begun to roll her pudgy self over from back to belly. sigh. it's just a matter of time before she is on the go.

persimmon

2009-11-09T10:43:00.005-08:00

you may remember our weekly produce box that i blogged about here. well, last week our box came containing a fruit that this momma had never seen before. it was the same shape and exterior skin of a green tomato, but was orange/yellow in color. it also had a stem that was similar to that of a tomatilla. i was perplexed. thankfully the box contains a list of what should be in your box, so i was able to narrow it down. the strange fruit was persimmon.

the day it arrived we were out to dinner with a couple that we just met and the topic of california produce came up. (i promise, i didn't bring it up... but must admit i was thrilled to discover that this momma friend had the 411 on everything local and everything organic!) anywho- she told me that her grandmother used to make persimmon cookies.

and so off to search for a recipe i went... thanks to my friend google, the recipe was found with great ease. on sunday, i walked into the kitchen just in the nick of time. scott, not knowing my plans to turn the persimmon into cookies, had decided to investigate the peculiar fruit. i was able to rescue it from his curious jaws and resume my plan. and so on sunday, e and i made cookies.

they were quite tasty, although, i'm not sure that i am any closer to knowing what a persimmon tastes like.

3 months

2009-11-04T09:12:00.005-08:00

wasn't it just six minutes ago that my babe was wrapped like a burrito and snoozing all day long? where did the time go and how did three months manage to zip by so fast? and how did you go from looking like this...

and this...

to looking like THIS? (that same statement could be applied to either babe in the photo, so apply it as you wish.)

i know we've been busy, but really! the time has FLOWN by. my sweet p is changing way to fast. her current achievements have been smiling, laughing, holding her sweet head up in an effort to see EVERYTHING that is going on around her, cooing at her momma with a sweet little voice, rolling from her belly onto her back and doing long division. ok, so maybe not long division, but the rest is totally true.

at three months, she has grown out of 0-3 and is wearing 3-6 month clothing. she weighs in at 13lbs. 3 oz.- ya know, petite. she is showing signs of outgrowing her "colic" stage and doesn't need to be held as much during the day (and by "as much" i mean momma can put her down for a few minutes here and there). as far as naps go, miss p is starting to flesh out a little schedule. she sleeps for a little in the morning and a little in the afternoon. she's having a rough time falling into a schedule because we are on the go so much with e's school drop off/pick up, but it's getting better. and while our days are getting better, nights are kind of going in the opposite direction. fortunately for this momma, she sleeps a lot during the night. the down side is that she does it in our bed, in my arms. and if i'm totally honest, i don't really mind.

i'm just trying to savour these days because i know we are very fortunate to have our three wonderful babes. and i know that the time is going to fly.

a real treat

2009-10-31T21:47:00.011-07:00

last halloween was probably my most favorite because we spent it with close friends in chicago. we trick-or-treated together with our same aged babes, ate dinner together, and enjoyed good company. i was sad to not be able to do that again this year. in fact, so sad that i kind of didn't get into halloween as much this year... until we got into it.

on thursday night, we sat down to get down to the business of carving our pumpkins. usually, this is a daddy centered activity and the kids just sort of watch. but this year, e was really into it. she spent a lot of time thinking about what she wanted carved onto her jack-o-lantern. scott, always the good daddy, let e be the guide. in fact, impressively, he started out the process by letting the girls sketch out some ideas.

d, kept saying, "do homework" as we did this and then laughed her head off. ahh, d, my little funny girl. once a design was settled on, e got down to business drawing the design onto the pumpkin. she took this task very seriously...

and did a great job! then both girls watched intently as mommy scooped out the guts (they wouldn't touch the guts with a ten foot pole) and daddy carved out the bat design.

saturday was a long day. the girls were both so excited all day long. they both couldn't wait to put on their costumes and hit the pavement. e was dressed as super girl and d was dressed as super girl's sidekick, super kitty. (super girl doesn't really have a kitty as a sidekick, but e really wanted a sidekick and d was happy to fill the part provided she could be a kitty.) and if you must know, they have been playing their roles for the past few weeks... every day. i am impressed that their costumes made it to halloween without any stains, rips, tears or holes because these costumes have been well worn.

and sweet p was... well, a sweet p.

they were pretty stinking cute. last year, e had to be coaxed into ringing bells and asking for candy. but this year, she was a pro. she was ever so cute. she did all the things you hope your kids will do. she rang, she smiled, she sweetly sang out her obligatory "trick or treat" and then she politely said "thank you" each and every time. d, looking up to her sister followed suit. e was very serious about gathering candy. she was on a mission and didn't want to waste time.

d, was a little different. after each house, she would reach into her pumpkin and pull out her newest treat and smile with sheer delight. she was thrilled with each candy score and wanted to show us her most recent acquisition. at a few houses, she would wait on the sidewalk with scott, p and i... all the while saying "scary". and at one house, after getting her treat, she did a little hop/skip for the homeowner and said, "meow".

e's favorite part occurred after we arrived home. i thought the thrill was going to be emptying out their pumpkins and analyzing the loot. but that wasn't e's highlight. what really did it for her was opening the door and handing out candy to those that rang our bell. she LOVED it. she meticulously handed each kid their candy. after they left she would remark about a favorite costume and tell me if someone had forgotten to say "thank you". she thought it was hysterical when someone sang out, "trick or treat, smell my feet..." and just as soon as she would share something with me the bell would ring again. e would yell out, "my customers are here!"

while i greatly missed my friends and our time together, it was a treat for this momma to see her babes engaged in this year's festivities.

the rest of the story

2009-10-23T20:15:00.000-07:00

the other day i wrote a facebook status update about this really yummy dinner that i was making. lots of comments were made in response to the update. some of them indicating that i've got it all together. there are a couple funny things that went through my mind as i read them:

1- when i made the post i never even stopped to consider how it would make someone else feel. i didn't consider that for someone who doesn't like to cook it might make them feel inadequate. i never thought about how someone who was pressed for time might feel envious of my "free time". i simply made the post. i put it out there, letting anyone of my "friends" read my update and draw any conclusion that they might. life is like this a lot. people see just one tiny part of a very large whole.

2-as i read the comments i also thought about "the rest of the story". the post indicated that i was making this super fab dinner. from reading it you could possibly conclude that "she's got it all together". but what really happened paints an entirely different picture.

stick with me here.

on tuesday morning i meant to pull some chicken breasts out of the freezer for the dinner i had planned. i remembered that i had forgotten to do this at 3 in the afternoon when i went to prepare our dinner (apple and bacon stuffed chicken breasts in gorgonzola cream sauce, if you must know). i felt a little bit defeated because i knew in that moment that there was no way to defrost and stuff the chicken if the chicken was still frozen. i pulled the chicken out of the freezer and resolved to make that for dinner on wednesday. and then i got down to the business of figuring out what we would have for dinner on THAT day. (i don't remember what we had, but i can guarantee that it was something simple, basic and pretty lame.)

on wednesday at around 3 i went to the refrigerator with a happy smile. i knew that TODAY the chicken was happily waiting for me to stuff- defrosted thank you very much. i got a little glimmer in my eye because i knew dinner was going to be great. each kid was contained and focused on a task and i could safely direct my attention towards getting the chicken stuffed well before the dinner hour. i got down to business. i chopped, i sauteed, i stirred, i stuffed. and it looked good. it smelled delish. when i finished the stuffing process i made a facebook status update about my accomplishment in anticipation of the dinner i was looking forward to.

and then i went on about my afternoon with the girls.

at about 5:15 i looked over the rest of the recipe to see what steps remained. i began to gather up the ingredients for the sauce and at that moment realized that my cream had passed its expiration date. trying to salvage my dinner, i made a quick call to my sister to see what substitutions can be made for heavy cream. unlucky for me, i didn't have those either. and so at 5:30 i decided i was going to have to load up the car for a quick run to the grocery. ugh. three kids, car seats, parking lots, carts with three kids... suddenly my dinner felt less exciting. but off to the store i went in an effort to salvage our dinner. if i got in and out of the grocery in under 30 minutes (door to door) i could still pull off a yummy dinner. difficult task- but not impossible.

i literally walked in the door with three minutes to spare. i hustled the kids in the door, put my head down and got to work. and as i got to work i realized that i had forgotten an entire step in the recipe. i did a quick evaluation and realized that there was no way this dinner was going to make it onto the plate in time. and so with a sad heart i abandoned the chicken, yet again, and moved on to something easier.

thursday came, and while ellie was at school and delaney was napping, i attempted to complete the missing step. i accomplished this- if you can call preparing chicken with a screaming baby in the background an accomplishment. at the proper time i placed the dinner into the oven, perfectly timed so that when scott walked in the door it would be ready to plate. and that all would have been fine had the chicken cooked in the time the recipe had said it would. but it didn't. and so 45 minutes after scott walked in the door, dinner was on the table. e and d were starving and misbehaving by this point and p was screaming her head off. scott and i tag teamed and ate one at a time. and while the dinner was tasty, it was a few days late and not at all enjoyable.

and so there you have it, the rest of the story. it doesn't leave you feeling incompetent or less domestic. it doesn't leave you feeling like a poor manager of time. it doesn't make you feel like less of a mom for putting hamburger helper in front of your babes five nights a week--- or whatever it is you might do at your house. and if you manage to pull off fancy gourmet dishes on a regular basis, it might even leave you feeling a twinge of pride, or accomplishment... or whatever it is that it does in your heart.

i guess the conclusion is that each day, we go about our business and we drop bombs. they might be in a facebook status update, a comment at the park, through our appearances, through our possessions. and these bombs might be harmless, not ill intentioned in any way. but none-the-less they might be bombs to someone. see, we find so much of our worth in what others do. we can make lists of ways in which so and so is better at such and such. we can let our heart be imprinted because our dishes are piled up in the sink and we are sure that the momma next door has hers neatly in the dishwasher... or better yet, washed and back in the cabinet. we can get down because our purse or our mom jeans haven't been updated in three seasons and every time we run into that momma at the park she is stylish and hip in the latest fashions. sometimes people do this to us, on purpose. but most often, i find, we do this to ourselves.

the root of the problem is this. we are our own worst critic. we can extend grace to others but have no idea what it looks like to extend it to ourselves. we receive messages all day long, and let them rewrite the script of our worth. and we define our worth through things that don't really matter.

for me, i know (but often have trouble remembering) that my worth lies in the redeemed child of God that i am. on my own, i am worth nothing... no matter how many apple and bacon stuffed chicken breasts in gorgonzola cream sauce that i can place on the table in front of family and friends. my worth lies solely in the hands of my friend and father, God. because of Him, and the sacrifice He made, i can rest in the fact that on the other side i'll be worth something.

and while i'm here on this side of heaven, my job is to be His hands and His feet in this world. i can't own the interpretations that people make from watching my life but i can set the record straight when the interpretation might be askew. and by doing so, sure, i reveal my own imperfections. by throwing a brick at my own crystal palace, i let people see that i am just me. practically imperfect in every way. and by doing so, i give permission for those around me to do the same. and what's to gain from this? lots! we can walk forward, hand in hand embracing our imperfections. maybe we can even laugh at them together. and together, we can encourage one another. maybe, rather than feeling less than, we can walk away feeling normal.

and maybe, just maybe, we can help point one another in the direction of the One who owns our worth and brings real meaning into our lives.

field trip

2009-10-21T15:26:00.006-07:00

today was e's first field trip... EVER! (e loves to add this to the end of any sentence so i will follow suit since this post is about her.) these california schools do things a little bit differently than they did back in my day. back in my day...

i'll spare you the "back in my day" story and just stick to the facts. schools out here don't use buses. they don't use buses for getting kids to school each day. they don't use buses for getting kids home from school each day. and so it should come as no surprise that they also don't use buses for getting kids to or from field trips. that leaves you with the following options.

option a) sign a form and then put your kiddos car seat into the car of some other parent to take them to and from the field trip

or

option b) drive your kiddo to school, check them out of school for the day and then drive them (without any siblings in tow) to the field trip destination.

or

option c) present your california drivers license (which i don't have yet... and that's a whole different post), your california insurance (again... don't have yet), get approved by the district and then load up your car with other people's kiddos and chaperon them on the trip.

option c was ruled out for us from the jump, and option a felt creepy and scary as i don't really "know" any other parents. even if i did, i'm not sure i'd choose it... but option b presented its own issues as i do in fact have two other children who are apparently unwelcome on class trips. (seriously, how do parents around here hold down jobs?)

and so today was a "first" for more than one reason. miss poppy was away from her mommy for the first time... EVER with our new, very capable sitter. and mommy and miss e were footloose and fancy free at alden lane nursery.

and isn't she the perfect pumpkin? i think so. they made this sign just for her, right?

it was a really fun day for lots of reasons. there were pumpkins, and pumpkins are always fun. e got to be the line leader and we all know that's fun. we learned about walnuts, walnut trees and the process of washing and shelling walnuts. that was pretty cool. we also learned about tons of native plants and what their uses are. momma finally got to see her girl "in action" so to speak and was reassured that our girlie is doing a-ok with this kindergarten thing (as we suspected). momma also got to see the trouble makers first hand and make a mental list of who we might like to be arranging play dates with. and as an extra bonus, momma met a bunch of other mommas who were all pretty nice. icing on the cake... e got to select her very own pumpkin to bring home. now who wouldn't have fun on that trip?

and as for poppy? she was just fine without me.

e unscripted

2009-10-20T13:42:00.004-07:00

what is your favorite thing about california?
driving up and down mountains and going to the city of san francisco

what is your favorite thing about school?
free choice time. i like computer time, too.

what do you choose for free choice time?
sometimes i play house and other times i play blocks

who do you like to play house with?
arianna and caylee, oh and also alexis

what do you miss most about chicago?
i miss swimming lessons and zoey. i miss kate and macy. i miss the indoor playground, too.

what do are you going to be for halloween?
i'm going to be super girl and buggy is going to be super kitty. next year for halloween i am going to be an angel and the year after that i am going to be dorothy.

is there anything else you want to tell me?
no. i'm done.

name 10 words that start with the letter "p":
payton
pig
parsnip
peacock
pea
pumpkin
petals
peppers
polly pockets
police

can i be done with this now?

e's doing really well. we can't believe that she is in kindergarten and that is getting so big. along with being a really good student, she is also an amazing big sister.

three little pumpkins

2009-10-12T08:39:00.007-07:00

this weekend we took our annual trip to the pumpkin patch. usually we combine this activity with apple picking, but since we are in new territory, we thought we'd switch it up a bit. in scott's opinion it was the best pumpkin patch he's every been too. for me, the landscape was out of this world. the patch was nestled between mountains and my eyes were delighted by the rolling landscape that california offers. anywho...

we took a spin on the carousel. yes, i do know that d has her sunglasses on upside down and her shoes on the wrong feet! she prefers 'em that way, if you must know the truth. and since i've started sharing random details, i'll continue. e named her pony sparkles. and then changed it to princess. and then back to sparkles. then back to princess. she finally landed on isabella... thank you very much.

e's favorite part was the teeny tiny pumpkins. she asked about 100 questions/minute regarding these teensy little orange gems. momma may have started making up answers to said questions after maybe question 12 because i just flat ran out of knowledge concerning jack be littles.

sweet p posed for her obligatory "baby leaning against pumpkins" photo.

d almost lost her britches in all of the excitement (so to speak).

and after hours and hours (at least it felt like that), e found her perfect pumpkin.

and suddenly, i am coming to realize that with three kiddos, getting the perfect photo is near impossible.

on the way home, my camera ran out of juice. and wouldn't you know it, we saw a rooster walk out in front of our car, goats on a hill, cows, horses and an entire flock (assuming that's the correct term) of real live turkeys. in fact, had daddy not been so alert, we would have had one to bring home... you know, as in a la road kill! yikes.

and after all of THAT... momma and daddy had a little bit of this:

scott discovered this tasty pinot noir in a local wine shop, and well, we felt OBLIGATED to indulge. and so we did. a fun day for one and all!

i heart...

2009-10-09T18:09:00.004-07:00

the end.

we could just...

2009-10-08T09:05:00.004-07:00

eat her up! can you tell?

beautiful bounty

2009-10-02T14:22:00.003-07:00

while living in chicago, our family has been members of a csa (community supported agriculture). every other week during the growing season, i would get a box of locally grown organic goodness. it was pure delight for this suburban, mid-western momma. i loved opening my box each week and discovering its contents. i loved the culinary challenge that it presented in finding quality recipes that my family would enjoy. i loved knowing that my family was enjoying these dishes sans pesticides. i know, i'm a little weird getting my kicks from methods of toxin avoidance. you can say it. i can handle it.

and so as we planned our move to calli, i day dreamed about getting similar food items at my local grocer. i anticipated grocery shopping with a new level of enthusiasm (truth be told, i have always liked grocery shopping). the week we were living in our hotel suite, i made my first grocery store run. i was disappointed. the organic section was smaller than the one in my local jewel store in chicago. it was not only smaller, but its contents were less than fresh. i chalked it up to not knowing where to go. i was certain that i had just hit a bad store. every area has them, and i must have stumbled upon pleasanton's. i was sad, but still had hope. but two weeks into our new town, i had tried 5 different stores and each one left me with the same sad selection. it was more than just disappointing. it was depressing. how could it be possible that i had moved to the land of organic milk and honey and not be able to get in on any of the action?

not being one that likes the feeling of defeat, i decided to peruse the internet. ah-ha... milk and honey found! what i discovered promises to wet my culinary appetite and challenge my inner chef... my inner foodie, if you will.

starting this week, and every other week for as long as i like, our family will be receiving a delivery from "farm fresh to you". ffty, as they are called, is a nearby farm that delivers their bounty to all who seek it. it is easy, and inexpensive, and organic, and local, and fresh, and brought to my front door every other week...

and quite beautiful! and now, momma is happy again! the end.

moving on

2009-10-01T10:29:00.011-07:00

a few posts back i promised more installments detailing our move. but i've decided i'm moving on. i know you've been waiting on the edge of your seat (humor me, folks), but you'll have to trust me when i say you're not missing much.

the story, if told, might include things like poppy getting a bloody lip in the hotel room and considering a trip to the er. it could include things like a delayed flight followed by delaney kicking the back of a less than thrilled ornery woman's seat, who eventually switched seats and knocked scott in the head with her luggage. it possibly could detail my kids new found love affair with chili's restaurant and even have a segment about ellie's first day of school... from a hotel. but instead of bore you with THAT, i'd rather share this...

first smiles from my sweet p

momma (with poppy) who may or may not be making an inappropriate gesture under the foam finger. for me to know...

my clan at the giants v. cubs game

e donning her tennis gear for her weekly lesson.

e restraining (i mean, loving) her sister so daddy could snap a shot at "family fun fest", (while momma clearly forgot to remove the evidence that we may be in need of a pacifier intervention).

and last but not least, d riding the train.

isn't that WAY better than silly moving stories?

grrr

2009-09-30T09:53:00.005-07:00

my aunt sharon visited san francisco last summer (before we had any clue we might be moving here). i remember vividly listening to her tell me about her trip and thinking that it sounded like so much fun. one story stands out in my mind a little bit more than the rest.

my aunt told me about the san francisco bushman. the bushman is a panhandler that is famous around the city. he sneaks around various tourist hot spots and sits on a milk crate. in front of his face he holds up tree branches and then he waits for unsuspecting tourists to walk by. as they approach him, he pops out from behind his branches and growls at them. in return for his success at scaring them, they give him a buck or two. the other people who catch him in the act of scaring someone usually pitch him some change too.

there is some speculation that he makes a lot of money doing this and that he isn't homeless. but i don't care, i think this is a way more fun way to make a living. it is creative and puts a smile on people's faces, which in my opinion is far more valuable than lots of other jobs this guy could have. i think it shows that he has a sense of adventure and that he knows how to face adversity with a positive attitude, a "make lemonade" kind of guy. i like that.

i was telling scott about this dude last weekend. he didn't believe me.

and then he did.

2 months

2009-09-29T21:13:00.005-07:00

somehow poppy went and turned 2 months old. i know we have been burning the candle at both ends, but really, where did the time go?

at two months:

**poppy sleeps from 10ish until 4ish, wakes once to eat and then sleeps until morning.

**has begun to enjoy bath time and daddy.

**is needing to be held a little bit less. although she still prefers for momma to hold her, she also spends a little bit of time each day on her play mat (and tries to eat the dangling ladybug toy) and a little time in her bouncy chair.

**is still on a three hour cycle throughout the daytime hours, but her alert time after eating is lasting a little bit longer. she loves to see what is going on with her sisters and gets upset if she is placed in a position where she can't see the action.

**has some serious head control. although it still "bobbles" she is always picking up her head in an effort to view what is happening.

**poppy is adored by both of her sisters. when d wakes up in the morning and from nap, the first thing she does is find little sister. ellie usually drops in a few times a day for her "poppy time". she coos over her sister, tells her sister how cute she is and rubs her soft head.

**she has almost outgrown all of her 0-3 month clothing and is about to transition to 3-6 months. she is still wearing a size 2 diaper.

the above video was taken today. it is special for several reasons: first, because it is video of poppy being poppy. sweet, gentle and every bit precious. second, because today our second moving truck arrived containing her swing. she is cooing at butterfly-bear who she has not seen for the past three weeks. third, because today daddy fixed my computer allowing me to FINALLY download pictures. I promise, lots of posts coming soon.

missing kate

2009-09-29T17:23:00.005-07:00

Dear Ellie,

I really like frogs! And toads and all different kinds of frogs. How is your new school in California? Have you made new friends? What are you going to be for Halloween? I think I know what you are going to be. I am not going to be a dinosaur. Not at all! I miss you! Goodbye!

Love, Kate.

ellie received her first email today. it was very sweet. attached to the email was the picture you see above.

i'm was having a grumpy day, but sweet kate put a smile on my face. it also put a smile on e's face. thank you, kate.

three strikes and you're outta here

2009-09-24T08:22:00.005-07:00

although i promised more installments about our move, i wanted to interject this post while it is still fresh in my memory... courtesy of d bugs, the baby of the world.

this weekend scott's boss invited us to their place for a cookout. momma, being a person that likes a full social calendar, welcomed this invite.

i will take a moment to describe their home as it is kind of pertinent... the floors throughout the house are slate, the exterior walls are solid panels of glass, and everything is pristine. it is a stately piece of art with a very frank lloyd wright-esque design style that draws the eye to that nature around the home. let's just say that i could have let my jaw drop when i walked in the front door (but i didn't because, well, that would be inappropriate... but in my head, i had to pick up said jaw and reattach it).

my husband, knowing they had just moved here from chicago as well, asked for a tour. he did this because he is polite... and a tad bit curious. but as the request came out of his mouth, i silently (in my head) let out a huge "NOOOOOOO!" because as a mother of three children under five, one thing i have learned is that when in new surroundings (especially ones with ginormous walls made out of glass) it isn't best practice to show them around. this tends to give them a quick run-down on all the naughty hot spots. children under five tend to find them eventually, but tend to stick closer to mom when they are uncertain about the lay of the land. if you show them the lay of the land, suddenly they feel like they are in their own home and then act accordingly. (not that we act "accordingly" in our own home, but you get the idea.)

within five minutes of arrival to above mentioned home, delaney climbed up onto their square leather ottoman. as momma (using her very best sweet, calm mother voice, hiding all traces of panic because she saw where wee little d was headed with this) cooed for her to come down. when it was clear that she wasn't going to listen (or more likely didn't recognize/hear the voice of the impostor that was trying to play the role of her mother) momma reached out to gently remove her from the ottoman. momma was a little slow in her save because poppy was being carried in the sling. as my arm was about to grab her, my sweet d plunged from the ottoman onto the sofa, and then let out a huge giggle and a "wheeeeeee!". strike one.

about twenty minutes after arrival our family was in the guest room changing into our swim gear. momma was sitting in a chair nursing the baby (hands occupied) and daddy was in the bathroom dressing. d donning her swim gear (floaties and all) climbed onto the guest bed and proceeded to jump up and down. momma, in a loud stern whisper.... "get down, buggy, i'm warning you. stop jumping immediately." my 'lil bug then proceeded to toss the pillows from the bed onto the floor. all 8 of them. while she continued to jump.

after swimming for a little bit, delaney had worked up an appetite. she decided to join momma and poppy on the lawn, very close to the tray of snacks. she carefully checked out the selection and discovered a platter of hummus, veggies and crackers. d is a huge fan of hummus, so she decided to jump right in. momma, having seen this snack ritual before, was right at her side to monitor the dip to cracker ratio and ensure that the "one dip per item" rule was obeyed. buggy was on her very best dipping behavior. she dipped, she tasted, she chewed, she swallowed. momma let out a sigh of relief. at that moment, poppy seed needed some attention. as soon as my eyes were slightly distracted, d decided to go in for a gigantic double dip at the exact moment that her nose began to run. as i lunged for the save, she threw the half eaten carrot onto the platter and took off in the opposite direction. strike two! (bed jumping didn't count against us because we were behind closed doors.)

we made it through dinner without much ado. it wasn't exactly peaceful, but it was absent of any major mishaps.

after dinner brownies were served. the kids were each handed a plate and allowed to choose a brownie. d, after attempting to touch three brownies (intervened by daddy), was escorted to the patio with her brownie on a napkin. the idea of giving her a plate just didn't sit well with me. note, always trust your mommy intuition. you can see where this is headed, right? so our kids and their two kids sat side by side on a patio stair eating the brownies and chatting. it was, if only for a moment, picturesque. after a few moments, d noticed she was the only one without a plate. d, never wanting e to have something that she does not have, went in for the swipe. e, carefully chewing her brownie, was not suspecting that little sister was about to snatch her plate and as a result was not on the defensive. d, ever so thrilled with her successful snatching had not thought through what she was going to do once the plate was in her possession. she was like a deer caught in headlights, unsure of what her next move would be. and so she did what any 21 month old would do. she ran... across the slate patio... and threw the plate... at the glass wall... and smashed it (the plate, not the wall. thank you, Lord!).

momma and daddy = mortified
d = shocked and suddenly very subdued
e = laughing hysterically along with the host's two boys

and as we got down to the business of cleaning up the very broken plate, we overheard e say to the younger of the two boys, "hey, do you wanna play smash plate? you know, for pretend."

sweet home chicago

2009-09-23T08:00:00.000-07:00

well friends, we have arrived! the "move" (phase one) is officially over and now on to the business of getting settled. but first, i'll share some details. (it might take a few posts because, ahem, i tend to be a little long winded... not that you mind?!)

our doorbell rang at 7am the day after labor day by a packing crew. scott stayed at the house and managed the crew while i departed and managed the more motley crew. the girls and i headed out to my friend kristie's house to hang for the morning. it was bittersweet. kristie and her fam just moved from the city to a home five blocks from our home. hanging out leisurely with her on our last day in town felt so relaxing and peaceful. i had been looking forward to days of that nature as their condo was on the market for the past year and a half, but alas, it didn't sell until a week before we sold our house. thus, making days like that limited... and by limited i mean it only happened that once. but enjoy it i did. i didn't know it at the time, but it would be the last time i hung with this dear friend before departing. it was probably better that way as i didn't really have to say "goodbye".

as i left her house to head to the city, i drove past my house one last time (again, not really knowing if it would be the last time) and got to witness my car being hauled onto the car carrier. for whatever reason, this is the moment where the hugeness of our move really hit me. seeing my car on top of the rig moved me right to tears- you see not having to pack (huge blessing) allowed me to avoid seeing my stuff packed and ready to go. without the visual, it was very easy to avoid the reality that we were in fact moving across the country. up until that moment, i was just organizing stuff... hotel accommodations, flights, packers, movers and the like. but seeing my car ready to be sent off made it all very real. i digress...

as i tried to hide my tears so that my girls wouldn't see their momma fall apart and follow suit, e's sweet friend zoey walked by on her way to kindergarten. e spotted her immediately and sensed something in the air. she began to cry her little eyes out. and although she had already said goodbye to this amazing girl, e had to do it again. she hopped out of the car and hugged her friend, breaking my little heart all over again as i watched e's heart fill with sadness. but my girl made me proud. she pulled up her bootstraps and got on with it, trying to embrace the unknown that lied ahead. she's a strong one, my little e is.

and on to the city we went, checking into our hotel that would be home for the next few days. we spent the next few days in city living bliss (or at least that is what i am telling myself now... a two room hotel suite with a family of five leaves something to be desired). our days were filled with park play dates and time with our favorite city friends. i must insert that i have the most wonderful bunch of friends- they met me all over the place in an effort to get in some good hanging out time and went above the call of duty in filling our hours to avoid unwanted time in the hotel room.

while i tried to make hotel living the "norm" for our girls, scott drove back to the house to oversee the packers and movers and was met with some challenges of his own. our moving company somehow made some enormous miscalculations in the size of our load. about half way through pack up, they realized this mistake and tried to assemble some sort of solution. their first attempt included a polite call to moi suggesting that i tried to hide a sofa under the rug when they made their bid. after informing them that i don't in fact have a secret attic, they got down to the business of really solving the problem. let's just say that about 35% of our belongings are still unaccounted for and that the solution involved extra trucks, storage units, and a new load that is currently somewhere in texas... or so they tell me. and at the end of the day, it really doesn't matter because it is just "stuff".

and then onward we went... next installment: the airport. stay tuned, as the adventure is certainly not dull.

p-nut

2009-09-10T08:15:00.000-07:00

two weeks ago i started a post to highlight my p-nut at one month. somehow, the post got lost in the shuffle. more likely, the post wasn't completed because this little one really likes to be held... a lot. and while i am loving the cuddles, it leaves my arms less free for things like blogging, packing, cooking, cleaning, showering... not that i am complaining... because i am not. it has actually been good- in our current hustle and bustle this one could easily get less attention than she deserves, but because of her love of all things mommy, that isn't happening.

at one month poppy is:
- eating and sleeping on a three hour schedule through the day (eat, wakeful period, sleep)

- going down to bed at 10:30 and sleeping for a 5-6 hour stretch (gasp! momma is thrilled with this amount of sleep and can't believe how wonderful it is to feel somewhat human with such a new baby in the house)

-starting to respond to the voices of her sisters and daddy. she hears them coming and turns her head wanting to be in on the action.

- has a fussy period each night before bed. daddy likes to take her on walks during this time because the fresh air tends to calm her down more quickly than other methods.

- she weighs 12 lbs. and wears size 2 diapers

- she took her first road trip to michigan to meet great-grandma and great-grandpa, aunt merritt and uncle jon. she was such a wonderful traveler and slept for most of the 5 hour drive.

- she also really likes momma. most of the time, i am the only one that will do. she rarely lets other people hold her and wants to be as close to the milk as humanly possible. she spends a lot of time snuggled in the baby sling.

- she really does not like bath time. she cries from start to finish and then passes out in exhaustion (from all the screaming) as soon as she is in her fresh warm pj's.

i get by with a little help from my friends

2009-09-08T19:23:00.000-07:00

so my sweet friend veronica (front left in purple) is amazing. she threw a surprise dinner party for lil 'ol me last week. it was beautiful in so many ways. first, she knows that i don't really love to be surprised- so they told me a few days early. i still got the joy of a surprise but was also able to emotionally prepare for such a special night with my most cherished (minus a few who moved away before me) girls. second, the entire menu was carefully created around my most favorite things- cheese, champagne, lemon meringue pie, cupcakes from my favorite restaurant, a cake from my favorite bakery and lemon chicken with capers.

it was such a lovely break from my to-do list. the time i spent with each of them that evening, the memories that were shared and the special things that each of them said to me will play over and over in my head for quite some time.

each of these girls also serve as a beautiful reminder of how God works- how he has it all figured out and blesses us with the exact community that we need when we need it. you see, i am certain that i will experience loneliness in san francisco. it is inevitable. it happened when i moved to chicago, too. and that was difficult, but those days of loneliness drew me to God. and as i drew closer to God, i began to pray for friendships. i did not just pray for people to fill my time, but i prayed for moms that would help me be a better mother. i prayed for women that would show me how to be a better wife. i prayed for girls with common interests that i could "do life with" without competition, without judgement- women that would be able to "mother" my children with a like-minded parenting style.

and as i prayed God answered. He did it slowly, in His time (as is His style- because He, ahem, He is master of the universe and all). but each woman entered my life exactly when i needed them and each of them proved to meet a need that my life had.

and so as i move to califronia, i am certain that i will miss each of them. but i am also certain that God will bless my life again. i know it will be a process and that it won't happen over night. i also know that new friends won't be able to replace the ones that i leave behind, but they will be what i need when i need it.

where did the years go?

2009-09-07T12:37:00.000-07:00

well, i promised a replacement camera, but that isn't going to happen for a few more weeks. it is a long story dealing with reward points and best buy and coupons and things of that nature (i'll spare you the details).

but because yesterday was a special day- my girls 5th birthday- i thought i'd post some old pics of her. you'll have to take my word for it- she was as cute as a button in real life yesterday. she danced around and sang the songs to barbie diamond castle all day and couldn't wait for her friend kate to arrive for a family dinner. you'll also have to take my word for it that her party was a hit (thanks to lots of help from daddy and grandpa).

this year the party was at a ballet studio. her former ballet teacher taught them a dance and played ballet related games with them. it was adorable. i loved seeing e interact with all of her favorite friends. and of course there was cake and presents, decorations and party favors. it wasn't my most creative party plan, but with a three week old baby in the house at the time of the party, it was just what the party girl needed.

you'll also have to take my word for the fact that her second "party" (a lunch date to american girl cafe with her bff) was also adorable. i have pretty much waited her whole life for her to turn 5 and take her to american girl. we had such a nice time together- e and payton, momma and payton's momma (and a very quiet penelope who slept the whole time). i will remember it forever and always smile as i recall the quote of the day: "this is the best day of my whole life". said by both girls at various points of the lunch.

we started a new tradition yesterday- courtesy of my sister and her ever so creative brain. when e woke up the morning, the entire family room/kitchen was decorated with pictures of her. she was so cute. she went through each picture and wanted to know the story behind it. i am in love with this new tradition and will be sure to continue it for all birthdays to follow. e felt so special and BIG because of the visual reminders of how little she used to be.

photos above:

1.) e and daddy opening her first birthday gifts- she is holding her first pair of shoes. i still have them and think back to those precious first steps that she took a few short weeks before turning one.

2.) ellie's bff, payton. isn't she the cutest little muffin?

3.) e and the proudest momma. i went a wee bit overboard for the first birthday... it seems to be a trend, but it was one fun party. if you can't tell the theme was ladybugs. my shirt says "momma bug" on the front and scott's said "daddy bug".

4.) and the last one speaks for itself. i guess that is the response you can expect when the momma bug buys a cake big enough for a wedding. e did not touch her first birhday cake. she ate one bite of ice cream and refused the rest- you'd never have guessed from her first exposure to sweets that she would be my lil sweet tooth today!

500 miles

2009-09-05T16:35:00.003-07:00

When I wake up yeah I know I'm gonna be I'm gonna be the girl who wakes up next to you When I go out yeah I know I'm gonna be I'm gonna be the girl who goes along with you

When I'm lonely well I know I'm gonna be I'm gonna be the girl whose lonely without you

When I'm dreaming well I know I'm gonna dream I'm gonna dream about the time when I'm with you

But I would walk 500 miles And I would walk 500 more Just to be the girl who walked a thousand miles To fall down at your door

When I'm working yes I know I'm gonna be I'm gonna be the girl who's working hard for you And when the money comes in for the work I'll do I'll pass almost every penny on to you

When I come home yeah I know I'm gonna be I'm gonna be the girl who comes back home to you And if I grow old well I know I'm gonna be I'm gonna be the girl who's growing old with you

But I would walk 500 miles And I would walk 500 more Just to be the girl who walked a thousand miles To fall down at your door

When I'm dreaming well I know I'm gonna dream Dream about the time when I'm with you

And when I wake up yeah I know I'm gonna be I'm gonna be the girl who wakes up next to you And when I go out well I know I'm gonna be I'm gonna be the girl who goes along with you

When I come home yes I know I'm gonna be I'm gonna be the girl who comes back home to you I'm gonna be the girl who comes back home to you

But I would walk 500 miles And I would walk 500 more Just to be the girl who walked a thousand miles To fall down at your door

i was thinking about moving today and was listening to a steven curtis chapman cd. this song came on (sung by him) and made me smile. i love my hubby and feel so blessed to be doing life with him.

honey, this post is for you. thanks for all you do for us. thank you for being the man of God that you are and for sharing your life with me. i can't wait to see what this next chapter holds for us. while it is scary at times, i love walking through life with you. here's to you and to the love that we share, the family we've started and the adventure that awaits us.

thank you for loving me and for being bold in a bar so many years ago. it forever changed my life and has made it worth every step of the walk... i'd walk a thousand miles and more just to be the girl doing life with you.

sticky fingers

2009-09-03T11:45:00.003-07:00

today while making a run to tar-jay i thought that i would try to multi-task. e's birthday is this weekend and i have a few little things that i still need to pick up before her big day. one of the items could be purchased at target. rather than making a separate trip back without e (at ten p.m. after everything else is done), i decided to try to slip the item into the cart. last year, this would not be worth writing about, but this year, that girl is like a hawk. she sees and evaluates everything that goes into the cart.

we headed to the movie aisle and e began to investigate each and every movie. i gave myself a personal thumbs up for diverting her attention and began to look for the movie that she so covets (barbie diamond castle, if you must know). i hunted once- i began to feel nervous. i a second time- panic set in. this is what she REALLY wants for her birthday. what's a new mom of three, who is moving across the country in ten minutes, going to do??? ellie began to loose interest in her movie investigation. i almost declared "abort mission", but decided to give it one final search.

my eyes scanned the shelves. suddenly, peering out from behind barbie mariposa i noticed a case of a different color. could it be? was it possibly the one e wanted? i redirected e's attention to the books that were on the other side of the aisle and made a snatch for the cd. AH-HA! it was in fact the only remaining copy of barbie diamond castle. with cd in my hand, i felt a bit panicked. i didn't have a good plan for where to stash it. quickly, i tucked it inside of p's bucket seat under the blanket. it was perfect! e turned around at that exact moment and was none the wiser. hooray.

we then headed off to the storage supply section in search of more bins (because i may, possibly, but not likely have a slight pre-move obsession with organization of stuff that will soon become very unorganized when handled by the movers). as we rounded the corner i noticed a very suspicious man following me. he was dressed in a members only jacket (on a pretty warm sunny day). i have worked retail in the past and am quite certain that this is the standard uniform for the secret shopper (aka security guard). oh-no!

as we turned our buggy down the lane containing my beautiful storage bins, another dude emerged. this one with cuffs handing from his belt loop. did they really think i was going to take the movie? couldn't they do the math and see that this was all a covert birthday operation? i thought about turning to the guys (both who were just pretending to browse the merchandise) and spelling the situation out to them, but decided that was too much effort and besides, my spelling stinks. instead, i played it cool. i picked up my bins put them on the bottom of the buggy (making certain they were clearly visible) and headed to the check-out. i may have also said in a louder voice than necessary, "come on girls mommy needs to go PAY for this stuff".

the men both followed me to the checkout, watched me whisper to the cashier while e was investigating candy treats (this is the first time i've ever been thankful for them being at the register) and slip her my disc.

double hooray! mommy went home with the desired cd and did not in fact get the joy of wearing handcuffs for the afternoon and/or calling daddy to explain why momma needs a bail-out of the county jail.

mission... accomplished?

2009-09-01T06:04:00.003-07:00

a funny little story about my transition to motherhood times three:

so this week we needed groceries. up until now, scott has either made the grocery run or i've done it with just one or two kiddos. the thought of three terrified me, but you reach a point where the need outweighs the fear. we were at that point and so off to the grocery store we went.

getting out the door with three can be tiring enough, but on this particular day we all made it into the seat belts without crying, loosing a shoe, pinching a finger (you get the point). we made it to the store, through the parking lot, into the cart (though cramped with a toddler in the back and the baby seat in the front and another one pulling on the side). we made it through the produce department... you get the point. "made it" suggests that we just survived... but it was actually an enjoyable experience. nobody was crying, nobody was throwing stuff into the cart, nobody was demanding snacks. it was pure glory all the way into the checkout line.

as we checked out, i chatted it up with the cashier who hadn't seen me since having the baby. another checkout lady came over and gave the girls stickers. we loaded up the cart with our bags and at that moment i gave a sigh of relief. i suddenly realized that we made it- without abandoning the cart and heading for the door mid-trip, without mommy hyperventilating, without meltdown from the girls. i gave the d and e high-fives and celebrated our accomplishment while walking out the door to head home.

as i walked through the parking lot i suddenly heard, "miss, ma'am, miss!". i turned around to see the checkout girl flagging me down.

"yes?"

"um, ma'am, you forgot to pay for your groceries."

high-FIVE!

2009-08-21T20:44:00.004-07:00

i'm having some technical difficulties. my camera will not load pics into my laptop. we have important events going on all over the place- this is not the time for technology to fail me!

e's birthday party is being held tomorrow. i can't believe that my baby is turning 5! how in the world have an entire 5 years passed? wasn't it just yesterday that she was doing this?

i can't promise pics from the party, but i do promise that if i can't figure it out i will do two things...
1.) upload some oldies but pre-blogging goodies
2.) buy a new camera as soon as humanly possible

look at those little curls! and even then she didn't like to get her hands messy.

to know or not to know

2009-08-16T19:25:00.004-07:00

scott and i debated for a long time about being told the gender of this new little baby. it was a difficult decision. we found out with both e and d and didn't think twice about it. i am a "finder outer"... i need to know. surprises aren't really my thing. but for some reason, this time, i really didn't want to know. we've done it twice the other way and it worked for us, but this time felt like the right time to embrace the unknown. (it was sort of the theme of the past year for us anyways.)

when we went to the ultrasound we had the technician write the sex down on a piece of paper and seal it in an envelope... you know, in case curiosity began to kill the cat. over the final 20 weeks of the pregnancy i lost the envelope a couple of times. on father's day, i offered it to scott to open if he so desired. he declined. and so onward to the delivery we went.

envelope sealed.

with each day that this baby decided to linger in the womb (11 for those of you that were counting... me = totally counting!) i became even more confident in our choice to embrace the surprise. it became exciting. a few times the feeling of being unprepared (in the event of a boy) would make me a little bit crazy, but overall it was fun to be waiting for the great reveal.

and then labor began.

you need a little background info for this one, but d almost was birthed in the car. literally. naturally, everyone thought that baby 3 would come even faster. my midwife actually gave me a little instruction session on what to do in the event that we couldn't make it to the hospital.

sweet p decided that she was going to throw everyone for a little loop and decided to make her momma work to get her out. towards the end, i wanted to throw in the towel. do you know what got me through? it was the great reveal. i channeled my desire to meet my baby and see if it was a he or a she. and so for this pregnancy, not knowing saved me. it was the perfect decision.

of course a few days after she was born, we decided to open the envelope. you know, in case they were wrong.

the conclusion: whatever you decide is the "right" decision. i loved knowing with e and d and i loved not knowing with p.

p.s. to those of you that i have begged to find out so that i wouldn't have to wait in suspense... please accept my apologies.

the sticker club

2009-08-13T14:35:00.006-07:00

this was my mom on the day that she was discharged from the hospital at the end of january. and although she had come a long way, she still had a long way to go. my sister stacy has worked hard at getting my mom from "on the road to recovery" to "recovered". and today, i think i can officially say that my mom is recovered. hallelujah! how do i know? well, let me tell you...

the story begins when i left home for college. as a freshman getting mail was a pretty big deal (man that makes me old)... now they get texts, emails, tweets or connect on skype... but i'm getting off track before i even get started. anyways, at the beginning of every month, my mom would send me a letter. the front of the letter was typed, copied and then sent to a bunch of people that my mom corresponded with each month. on the back was a handwritten note to me from my mom. usually, the envelope also contained other stuff as well. she would send me things that she thought would interest me from our local newspaper, funny comic jokes from the saturday evening post, maybe a story from guidepost magazine or a variety of other things she thought might be of interest. she also decorated each letter with silly stickers and called the list of recipients "the sticker club". i looked forward to getting my monthly instalment of the sticker club each month as it made me feel really connected to home.

the week that my mom was in the accident, my mom's december letter arrived. the theme of her letter was "walking". ironic, right? there she was laying in a hospital bed far from home unable to walk, sending out a greeting that detailed all of her journeys from 2008. and interwoven through the details of her "walking" was how gracious God had been through the year and how He had walked with her on her journeys, making them a possibility. needless to say, getting and reading this letter was a difficult experience. the road ahead was marked with uncertainty and while reading of the joys from 2008 was encouraging, i also had a lot of unanswered questions concerning her future. i wondered several times in those first few weeks if it was the last letter i would receive from my mom. i tucked it away in my keepsake box and then found myself going back to the box to read it and extract encouragement from her words through the months that followed.

i have missed these letters.

yesterday, i went to mailbox to retrieve the mail. to my excitement and joy, the first installment (post-accident) of the sticker club had arrived. tears ran down my cheeks as i tore open the envelope. eureka! what a joy to know that my mom is back into a routine. what a blessing to receive evidence that she is seeing God's hand in her new life with my sister. how wonderful to read the details (even though i already knew most of them) of her new day to day adventures.

the girlies zoo

2009-08-05T06:28:00.004-07:00

i'd like to introduce you to three of my friends. on the left is froggy, in the middle is bunny and on the right is the newest addition of giraffe. i spend a considerable portion of my day retrieving the first two little guys for my girls. i tote them back and forth between upstairs and downstairs, hunt for them when we are in a stressful teary eyed situation, wrestle them from my girls lovingly to see that they are bathed with some regularity... i've been known to defend their sacred honor, do considerable amounts of backtracking to locate them when dropped in public places... the list of duties required for these little friends is long.

why do i do all of this for these little guys, you ask? well, it is because they are my girlies special friends. they have the ability to soothe my oldest babes to sleep, stop a tearful fit on a dime, and make physical and emotional wounds magically disappear. the value that my girls place on them, well, it's priceless.

the value that i place on them is priceless as well, but just for different reasons. for me, each of these lovies was given to my babes by women whom have a sacred place in my heart.

froggy was gifted to me at my baby shower for sweet e. the giver was one of my first friends in chicago, meg. before babies, meg and i and another gal pal would go out for monthly dinners. we met because our hubbies were good friends in college, so we spent a considerable amount of time together as couples as well. meg is so important to me because she is the one that made chicago feel like home to me. she was the first girl here that i could pick up the phone and chat with, meet up with on a friday night, or just hang. so every time i see e cozied up to her frog, it feels like she is wrapped in the comfort of a good friend... meg.

bunny was gifted to d by my sister heather. as most people who know me can attest to, heather has always been someone that i look up to. for about ten years heather lived in canada. we weren't very close during those years. i was in college and she was busy raising her babies. but right before d was born, heather moved back to the states. and it was then that we connected as adults, as women, as mothers, as jesus followers. and so when i tuck d into her crib each night and she squeals for bunny, it is as if she is giving out a squeal for her auntie who loves her.

this week, my very sweet and special friend steph brought us dinner and a gift. when i opened the gift, i was moved to tears as i discovered giraffe. how fitting that the momma that helped me navigate the transition from the city to the burbs (steph lived a few blocks away from me in the city and now lives a few blocks away from me in the burbs) would gift my sweet p with her lovie.

and as many things have over the past few weeks, it made me miss chicago already.

family fun fest

2009-08-03T18:46:00.008-07:00

our town hosted a "family fun fest" on friday evening. since sitting around watching a baby is not high on the toddler/preschooler "fun times" list, we thought we'd get out of the house and check out the event.

let's just say it was a huge hit! first, ellie did this:

and then she dunked this guy, seriously. (my gals got a good arm.)

then buggy played a little tic-tac-toe... and won... without any help!

for a prize she chose these:

and sweet p, well, she spent her time doing this.

and the highlight of the evening was ellie winning a coupon for a free goldfish. she has been really interested in getting a pet recently. so when she approached the game table where you could win a fish, she developed a deep level of determination. she tossed that ping-pong ball with great focus, missed and then headed to the back of the line to try again. she did this for a while. eventually, she got her coupon and skipped off on her merry way. we had sort of been holding out on the pet thing until we arrived in calli, because... well moving a family of 5 across the country proves to have a few challenges on its own and adding a fish into the midst didn't feel like the best idea... but with that amount of determination, who could deny her the prize? not this momma. so off to the pet store we went.

we are now the proud parents of this:

and for the record, he's not looking so hot in his little bowl. i give him about 48 hours and then we could be in trouble. here's hoping he makes a speedy recovery.

life is good. i'm going to miss this little town.

home sweet home

2009-08-03T11:40:00.007-07:00

the hospital where i gave birth to d has this amazing abc (alternative birthing center) in it. the rooms are one of a kind for the chicagoland area. they come equipped with a queen sized bed, a birthing tub, and all sorts of other stuff that help make a natural delivery easier. the down side is that there are only two of these coveted birthing rooms. as long as one room is empty, they let a new mom stay in the room she gave birth in, but the minute the next laboring momma hits room two they send momma number one packing to a more traditional postpartum room. i should also mention that this hospital is in major need of some updating. the regular rooms are less than spacious and lack... while they lack just about everything.

after p was born, i was very lucky. abc room 2 stayed vacant all day. scott and i got to get some much needed rest, side by side, in a nice cozy bed with the baby nestled between us. in the afternoon, when the girls came to meet their new sister, we had lots of room to hang. it was glorious. that night, when i went to bed with our babe, i felt so blessed to still be hanging in my birthing suite. but like all good things, they eventually come to an end. at about 4:00 in the morning (almost exactly 24 hours after p was born) i heard some rustlings in room 2. sure enough, my nurse came in to help me collect my gear and relocate me to the less than pretty rooms down the hall. sigh- my time was up.

after a very uncomfortable rest of the night, i decided to go home a day early. not being a huge fan of the hospital to begin with, home was a much better option. to be honest, i missed my family. i like going to bed with everyone accounted for and under one roof.

and so on wednesday, i surprised the girls with an early arrival. they were both very surprised and very excited to have the newest addition join us at home.

this is momma greeting my biggest girl- who somehow looked like she was 14 when i arrived home.

she really loves her new baby. she gives her kisses all the time and checks up on her when p has been out of sight for more than a few minutes.

it's hard to believe that i am now a momma of three girls.

oh my, i just want to eat those little cheeks. it is amazing how quickly you forget how little they come out (ya know, if 9lbs. 3 oz. can qualify for little).

last but not least, is little miss buggy helping out at a diaper party. she loves to stand there while momma takes care of the situation.

it sure is good to be home.

sweet p

2009-07-28T19:49:00.012-07:00

it is hard to believe that just two short days ago, little miss p (penelope pamela buser) was still not on the scene. she is one sweet addition to our family. coming in at 9lbs. 3oz. she is the biggest of our babies. she also takes the title of "baby that cooked the longest". can you believe she stayed in there 11 days past her due date?

labor began on the 27th at 8ish and we headed to the hospital at 11pm. we were met at the hospital by my friends kristie and jen, who were there to support scott and i through this birth. at around 1ish, it looked like we might be hanging out for a while waiting for things to really kick into gear, but just as soon as we started to think about resting, things began to get going. poppy (as she will be called) emerged at 4:50 in the morning on the 28th, to a very excited momma and daddy.

scott and my friends were so amazing as a support team. at every turn of the labor process they were right there with the words i needed, the cold wash clothes, the hand to clench onto, the prayers and the love that kept me going. i feel blessed beyond measure to have such wonderful friends. i feel even more blessed to have such a wonderful husband.

poppy was introduced to her sisters later in the afternoon. they were so happy to finally meet her and gave her lots of hugs and kisses. sweet p and i left the hospital early and returned home on the 29th. we are all doing great, hanging out and adjusting to our new normal.

waiting

2009-07-24T10:09:00.002-07:00

it has been a long week of waiting. here are some snaps that i've taken to capture our week.

miss d got some new kicks just like her big sister. she wears them as often as she can. while ellie was at camp, miss d "cooled off" over the ac vent... very marilyn monroe-esq. (notice that her "hair" is standing straight up on the top of her head. yes, it is true. my girlie has a faux-hawk.)

e has been taking her sister for very animated stick pony rides. it is pretty funny. she yells like a cowboy and invites d to jump on. afterwards she pretends that the whole ride is less than fun for her and that she does it to help entertain delaney (in spite of the fact that both girls howl the entire time and end up on the floor in a pile giggling). d, decided that momma was ruining the fun by breaking out the camera, so she turned her head deliberately for the snapshot.

and d spent some time hanging out in the laundry basket inspecting e's crocs.

and after looking at these pictures, it should be painfully obvious that we really want our baby to show up. we want to meet this little one and we are getting a bit loopy while we wait. clearly, these two big sisters are being good sports about the wait.

the momma = not so much!

i'm getting anxious... and crabby... and trying to have patience... and trying to get some good sleep... and walking a lot.

is that a basketball under there?

2009-07-19T05:00:00.000-07:00

the morning before ellie was born, before we left for the hospital, we took one last photo of my bulging belly.

i regret to inform you, this is not that picture.

i went to have a final "before baby" pedicure on friday. when i sat down, the girl in the chair next to me asked me when i was due. we got to chatting and a few minutes into the conversation, i realized she too had a bump. i immediately apologized for not noticing and she let me off the hook by saying that i didn't notice because she was wearing black.

it got me thinking... maybe that trick would work for me:) what do you think?

notes:

1.) using the word "bump" is slightly inaccurate when describing my current state.

2.) i apologize for several less than thrilling blog posts concerning the wait that is now on. i tend to be on the impatient side.

due

2009-07-18T06:00:00.000-07:00

dear sweet baby in my belly,

i really want to meet you. will you be a girl baby or a boy baby? do you have a soft peach fuzzy bald head like your sisters? how big are you? will you be quiet and gentle or are you intense? what does your smile look like? will you have e's button nose and perfectly pink lips? will you have d's captivating eyes?

your momma and daddy really want to hold you and give you kisses. your sisters are so excited to finally see what their momma has been hiding in her belly. won't you come out soon so we can meet you?

love,
momma

i left my heart in san francisco

2009-07-11T07:21:00.008-07:00

i've been keeping a secret from you. i was sort of waiting for everything to gel in my mind before publicly announcing that...

we are moving (gulp) to california!

that's right. i said it. it is official. and now, of course, the sorted tale:

a year ago, while vacationing in michigan, scott and i took the first step on what would prove to be a long journey. we opened our hearts, minds and futures to being part of a new office opening in san francisco. when we first evaluated it, it sounded crazy. today, given the current state of the economy, it sounds even crazier. in fact we've been told we are insane by friends and family members alike. and while that has been difficult to hear, our motivation for doing this isn't rooted in something we really have "control" over.

you see, when scott proposed this idea, the first thing he said was: "we're only going if it is where God wants us." immediately, i was on bored. knowing that my husbands heart was seeking a posture of obedience was a deal sealer for me. and so we began to pray. scott let the san francisco project leader know that we were seriously considering it and we began to take steps towards seeking God's will.

the journey has had its ebbs and flows, if you will...

post nursing depression- not so much feeling like i want to move across the country

cost of housing in the east bay- not so much feeling like i want to move across the country

a trip to california in november with snow on the ground in il and sunshine in ca- let's go

my mom lying in a bed with an uncertain future in richmond- not so much in favor of moving

discovering we were expecting a baby- not really inclined to start packing boxes

discovering the baby was due at the exact time we thought we'd be moving- no way!

but as we prayed about this all over the month of december, we kept feeling like we were being told to "just walk through the open door". neither scott or i felt like God was saying, "yes! i want you in calli. GO." we simply felt like he wanted us to be open to the next step. and so step by step we went forward. to say that i went eagerly is inaccurate. often, those were the most painful steps i can remember taking in my lifetime. but with each step, we kept feeling the nudge to take the next one. we negotiated a moving contract with scott's office, we remodeled a bathroom, we transformed a playroom into a dining room, we organized every closet/cupboard/cabinet in sight, repaired a leaking basement... etc. through all of it, we also juggled traveling back and forth to help out in minor ways with my mom, adjusting to the approaching arrival of baby three, two kids, and life in general. it has been a tiring 6 months.

in june, after 90+ showings (do the math- that means cleaning my house at least 3 times a week for 6 months... sometimes more) we received an offer. it was sad. essentially, at the end of the day, they wanted us to pay them to buy our house. and to make matters worse, the negotiations were slow and drawn out over 9 days. and eventually, we walked away from the deal.

at that point, all signs pointed to this being the end of the road. statistically speaking, your first offer is always your best. when looking at the timeline, we were quickly running out (our contract with our realtor was to expire july 15th). and so from mid-june on, we kind of felt like the door was closing. and the minute that i began to feel like we were staying in chicago, i suddenly realized that in my heart, i really wanted to move. it felt crazy because all along i had been so unsure. it was frustrating and i spent a lot of time trying to figure out the take-home God wanted me to have... because in my mind this deal was done and we were staying put in Chicago.

the last week of june, i looked at scott and said, "wouldn't it be funny if we got an offer in the 9th inning?" i was mostly joking, but for some reason, i had this feeling that God hadn't closed the door.

on June 30th, we received an offer on our house. it came from a couple that we ironically have two connections with (out of all the people in the chicagoland area???). the number we settled on... the exact number we needed.

isn't God amazing?

and even more amazing is that He put up with me through all of it... my complaining, my doubt, my confusion, my frequent moments of failing to trust, and my extreme desire to control the situation. at the end of the day, His plan was way better than mine. go figure, the God of the universe knew what He was doing after all:)

not so funny bones

2009-07-10T12:36:00.003-07:00

last week a friend of mine commented on d's energy level. i responded with, "yeah, we're always one step away from the emergency room with this little one." turns out, i would live to regret saying that just a few days later.

d and i were coming down from the balcony at e's swimming lessons this week and miss d thought the first step was actually the bottom of the stair case. she walked right off the step, landing on her poor little knees. after some minor tears, she seemed good to go. i checked her walk and she appeared to be fine. we proceeded with picking up e and making our way home. me, feeling pretty confident that we had just dodged a bullet.

once we arrived home, d began to limp. momma became worried. we watched her for a bit and determined that a trip to the er would be best. scott took our lil' bug for some x-rays (as a pregnant momma can't get near the machine) and it was determined that miss d had a fractured tibia. she came home from the er with a soft cast and orders to get a permanent cast within a week.

scott and i were both really sad, but in true d fashion, she handled it like a rock star. she was a good sport through the whole procedure and didn't seem too fussed by the cast.

d and i then headed out the door to the orthopedic doctor for a cast. we had a considerable wait in the waiting room (as i kind of forced them to let me come right away instead of their first available appointment for fear that i'd go into labor before we could get it properly casted). the entire time miss d refused to sit. the poor girl kept hobbling around to explore the ins and outs of the office. all the while, dragging her poor wrapped leg, slipping and sliding all over the place. as i watched her, i became terrified about how in the world we would make it with a new baby and a toddler in a cast for the rest of the summer.

fortunately for miss d and everyone else, we were spared from that situation. the dr. checked out delaney's x-ray, examined her leg without the cast and determined that it wasn't actually a fracture but just a bad bruise. hooray! he removed the cast and gave d her walking papers, so to speak.

that girl is like the chumbawamba song, tubthumping...

"i get knocked down, but i get up again. you're never gonna keep me down..."

closer

2009-07-09T05:00:00.000-07:00

getting better...

but still some room for improvement.

mail call

2009-07-08T05:00:00.000-07:00

today e and i received our favorite catalogues in the mail, respectively. she spent the latter part of the day skimming through the pages of the latest american girl catalogue. she looks intently at each page and picks her favorite things. she loves to scout out the stuff that she already has and makes plans for what other things she might enjoy. when we first got on the mailing list, i was a bit peeved as i thought it would promote american girl mania, and at first, it did. but now that she is a little older it has been a good tool in helping her make choices. she recognizes that purchases from the store our special and that they don't happen with much frequency.

we are about to go on our first mommy daughter trip to the new store downtown and she is very excited. it was sweet to see her look through the book today and carefully consider the item she might like to get when we go. the verdict is still out- i think she changed her mind five times in a thirty minute time frame.

i on the other hand, received my annual nordstrom anniversary sale catalogue. i love the anniversary sale and will sadly be missing it this year as i am a wee bit sized out of their lines right now:)

however, miss d decided she didn't want to miss out on the fun. after i had finished looking at the book and set it aside, she picked up right where momma had left off. here is how i found her this afternoon. the funniest part... look closely at the page she landed on!

she actually found a pair of shoes that her sister owns and became very excited. then, she kept trying to get me to put them on her feet (as if i could pull them magically out of the book). it was a sight to see. and she sure was persistent!

90 and still going strong

2009-07-07T11:04:00.003-07:00

my grandmother (gigi as she is now called by her great-grandchildren) has probably been the most influential woman in my life. she is nothing short of amazing. as she approaches her 90th year of living, i am in awe at her grace, wit, style and attitude towards life. she always looks for the positive in the world and is full of encouragement. she understands the art of friendship and is the first to support anyone around her in need. she is in tune with the world we live in and keeps up to date on politics, the latest trends, current "must reads" and of course, the lives and happenings of her family members.

in june, i had the honor of traveling with ellie to niagara falls to celebrate this amazing woman that i call grandma. it was a weekend filled with fun: aunts/uncles, 10 grandchildren, most of their spouses (that somehow fit seamlessly into our crazy family), 13 out of the 15 great-grandchildren, and the queen gigi. and it was nothing short of wonderful!

glowing

2009-07-05T07:01:00.003-07:00

my amazing friend janet had a little shindig to celebrate america's big birthday. it was a night filled with great food, meeting really cool new people, enjoyable conversation, opportuties to hang with old friends, lots of kiddos and a little bit of rain. but janet didn't let that rain slow down the party. she had a backup plan...

and it was a BIG hit.

sweet dreams

2009-06-28T09:39:00.005-07:00

do you remember payton, e's bff? well, payton's momma finally convinced me to let the girls have their first sleepover. it was a huge success, in spite of my skepticism. jen did such an awesome job of making it memorable for e.

apparently, the girls were playing in the backyard pool and jen had a great idea. she asked the girls if they wanted to have a lemonade stand. (what she didn't know is that e has been asking to have one for the past few weeks.) both girls were enthusiastic about the suggestion, so off to cvs they went. after picking up the required ingredients for a successful stand, the girls returned home to make some signage. jen made the lemonade and they were off and running.

from what i am told, the girls were quite a spectacle. they were singing songs and really attracting a crowd. jen lives on a pretty busy street in a hopping neighborhood of chicago, so the girls had quite a bit of traffic. people were getting out of their cars, walking by and getting off at a nearby bus stop to buy their sweet refreshments.

they totalled $14 for the day (at 25 cents a glass!). and then jen did the best thing she could have done. she took the girls to a neighborhood toy store and let them each spend their $7. they each picked out a little stuffed animal and ellie hasn't put it down in over a week. she is so proud of her purchase and seeing how her effort paid off.j

and like any good successful sleepover, this one was pretty much void of sleep. our girl returned to us the next day tired, crabby and full of sweet memories of 24 hours in heaven with her favorite friend. we will certainly be doing this again soon.

and one last thing- to my friend jen: i'm sorry it has taken me so long to get on board with this idea. you rock and i am forever grateful for the way that you love my girl.

aren't they just adorable in their hello kitty pj's? i want to eat them up!

peek-a-boo

2009-06-25T16:43:00.004-07:00

not much to say, just that i am savoring these little moments with d. as the days draw closer to the arrival of baby three, i fear that i will be pulled in so many directions that i might miss out on some of these simple (but ever so precious) activities. i hope that doesn't happen, but in case it does, i am trying to get them in large doses right now. i mean really, isn't that smile/giggle intoxicating?

i'll take those in a size 5 please

2009-06-15T07:20:00.006-07:00

" will work for shoes."

"if the shoe fits, buy it in every color."

"cinderella is proof that shoes can change your life!"

"boys are whatever, shoes are forever."

"two things you can never have too many of: good friends and good shoes."

"never stand before a girl and her shoes."

so as you can see, delaney is a little obsessed with shoes. she prefers them to toys these days. i'm not kidding! if shoes are around, she will spend hours of dedicated time to trying them on, walking in them, and then taking them off again. if i leave my closet door open, you can guarantee that the bottom half will be dismantled in a small amount of time. the irony of the story- her new fave obsession is removing her shoes everywhere we go. she did this yesterday in t.j. maxx. literally, she removed both shoes and dropped them over the side of the cart. thankfully, i noticed right away and was able to retrieve them but it got me wondering, is this a strategy to get new shoes?

swimming lessons

2009-06-14T20:15:00.001-07:00

isn't sh"e" adorable? this babe began swimming lessons this week. she was more excited than i expected. in preparation for the lessons to begin, we bought a new suit and some goggles. since buying the goggles, she began the countdown to the start of lessons. when she couldn't take the wait any longer, she decided to just start wearing the gear anyway. this week, we have worn our goggles to the grocery store, the park, and home depot. and who could say no to that smile?

the day of swim lessons finally arrived, and can you believe, she didn't want to wear her goggles. go figure.

note to self: hide the harmonica

2009-06-14T06:56:00.004-07:00

i hesitate to post this picture because, well, for the obvious reasons... i am gigantic and not feeling like i really want to show the world my ninth month glory. but since most of my readers are in fact my friends, i figured you've already seen me anyhow and been pretty sweet about the fact that yours truly has turned into a balloon.

anyways, for the past few months we have been trying to get buggy to see the correlation between my expanding belly and the general concept of "baby". this week at the park, i think we did the trick. we ran into a very new mom with her wee one. buggy sat on the park bench next to the baby and kept pointing to the baby (with an angry face- i swear if i had gotten a picture you would laugh out loud) and then to my belly. each time saying "ba ba" (her translation of baby). she would angry face the real baby and then love all over my belly and give it kisses.

i left the park feeling like we had accomplished something. d needs to know that her world is about to change a bit and finally, after months of trying, i think she understood on some basic level. and since that day, miss d has indicated she "knows" on some other levels. she has not slept through the night in over a week- getting up in the wee small hours to just hang, she has begun to remove her diaper as soon as she wets it, and she totally wants her bottle back.

in addition, she has started singing the "new baby blues". i'm not kidding!

she's pretty good at it too!

life lessons from an artichoke

2009-06-02T09:25:00.005-07:00

i grew up eating artichokes with drawn butter. my mom served them to me pretty regularly. we even had special plates that are designed to hold the choke, butter, and discarded leaves (which i have now inherited). i never knew that eating them on a tuesday was not the "normal" dinner fare until i moved out and bought one for dinner in atlanta. my roommate thought it was fascination and wanted to know more. later, she gave me a book titled she taught me to eat artichokes. i served artichokes for dinner last night and thought of the book.

after the girls went to bed, i took it off of the bookshelf for the first time in many years. it is a sweet short story about a woman who is befriended by her neighbor, and in the process learns about the prickly vegetable that she has always held a curiosity for.

...we are most comfortable with the things we know the best. but if we always avoid the unfamiliar, how will we ever know what riches may be waiting for us deep within the heart? A first encounter with an artichoke can be a perplexing and somewhat formidable experience, for the artichoke gives little clue from its appearance of the delights that wait within. the heart of the artichoke is surrounded - protected if you will - by both leaves and the choke or thistle. when properly prepared, the choke is easily removed and the small amount of meat on softened leaves yields a promise of what is to come.

i read that last night and thought it was pretty beautiful and definitely thought provoking. how often do we "judge the book by its cover" and avoid things that are unfamiliar? if we are honest, probably more often then we care to admit.

sticks and stones

2009-05-30T07:30:00.002-07:00

i received a nasty email this week from someone whom i used to be terribly close with, but have been out of touch with for the past few years. when i say it was nasty, trust me, it was the kind

of email that only someone who knows you really well can send- it went right to the area of my heart that is vulnerable and then the knife was twisted a bit just to make sure i felt the sting.

you see, the email affirmed that i am not who i set out to be back in the day- that i had lost my strength and my independence (things i formerly found great pride in) and that really, i was nothing more than just a boastful blogging mommy with nothing left to talk about than my kiddos. essentially- that there was no longer any substance to who i am.

"wow! thanks for the email," i thought, "i already figured all of that out on my own, but i appreciate you putting the nail in the coffin."

but then as i started to think about it more, i began to see the nasty-gram as a gift. you see, exactly one year ago God began hammering a message into my heart. it is a message that i have been slow to receive, one that at times i have even fought against. i did not want this message because i kind of liked clinging to some "better" traits like "strong and independent".

the message was that i need to die to myself. yikes. something God wants from us, but so hard to actually live out.

many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails. proverbs 19:21

i shared some of this with my sister last june right before we attended the women of faith conference and she literally burst out laughing at the irony. she went on to tell me that my niece had just come home from a youth group night with a pin that said "me" on it and had a red slashed circle around it. my sister brought it to the conference and gave it to me that weekend.

as i toted miss d around in the baby sling that weekend, i felt the effects of the message loud and clear. you see, i had really wanted to go to the conference sans baby. the trouble was, miss d made a choice that mommas milk was all she was taking and she protested every bottle on the market. and so she came along. and in that weekend, i saw the gift of her being there. she was a constant reminder of letting go of the things that i want, loosening my grip on my view of the future and letting God be in that drivers seat.

and in the months to follow, God gave me more opportunities to cling to Him and die to me. i saw them creep up into my life- some of these opportunities i embraced, others i fought, but the message of "no me" was consistent.

i've had thoughts about blogging about it over the past year, but whenever i prayed about what God desired the entry to look like, it never felt like it was the right time.

back to the story at hand-

throughout the day, i kept going back to that email and re-reading it. and with each sting that it dealt me, i kept turning to God (finally- God sure is patient with little old me). i don't know why God wanted this path for me. there are many days when i like to tell God that maybe He made a mistake. maybe, there is a chance that He would like me to return to the work field (ah-hmmm, like right now, today God). but then, almost as soon as i think it, God affirms that i am right where He wants me today. He is teaching me, and He is using this time to write His word on my babies hearts. just a few weeks ago, my sweet ellie asked Jesus to be her Lord and Saviour. that is all the confirmation that this momma needs. i'll take the sacrifice of living out my hopes and dreams, and letting God change those dreams into His dreams, for the benefit of my girls and His purpose.

and in spite of the hurt that my flesh feels as i read that email, i tried to spend the day resting in the fact that Jesus would rescue me from that sting. and that believing the message sent would only give room for satan to be the victor. i prayed a lot on thursday- little prayers throughout the day- as my mind began to draft un-Godly responses to the email, as doubt about my life choices crept in, as my value and worth began to feel so tiny. and God met me right there in that moment, just like He always does when we run to His feet.

i call to the Lord, who is worthy of praise, and i am saved from my enemies. 2 samuel 22:4

the craziest part of the day was how God directed my mind. as i contemplated the question, "what prompted that email so out of the blue?", God began to bring back memories to me. it dawned on me, somewhere shortly after lunch, that this was a difficult time of year for my former dear friend. and my eyes began to see that i am not part of that equation but that pain can be all consuming. i began to recognize that i was just the scapegoat for the real target of the pain and somehow, through God's grace, i began to forgive.

then peter came to jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall i forgive my brother when he sins against me? up to seven times?"

jesus answered, "i tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times." mathew 18:21-22

(for the record, i should include that i am not calling the sender of the email a sinner here, by using this verse, but pointing out what i know God wants me to do with the hurts that are dealt to me.)

isn't God so funny, so perfect in His timing? you see, on wednesday, the day before i received this email, i had my last day of bible study. the study we finished was on a book which is entirely focused on rewriting the messages that are written on our hearts and living out a life that is focused on God's message for our lives. the messages of the world, well, they are filled with negatives. but the messages that the Holy Spirit wants us to walk in are filled with redemption, forgiveness, and righteousness. all of which, are messages that we are not worthy of, but were paid for through the blood of Christ. God desires for each of us to stand firm in who we are in Him- not in a self-righteous way, but as a daughter (or son) that has been forgiven, accepted, valued, loved, and redeemed.

but you are a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His wonderful light. 1peter 2:9

here are the words from the last chapter from my bible study from wednesday:

...you are the sparkle of Abba's eye. he loves you. he is very, very pleased with you. when you come into His presence, His eyes light up because you are His precious child... He's proud of you!... can you see the sparkle in His eye? (becky harling, rewriting your emotional script)

can you believe it? i mean, walking out of bible study on wednesday with this message firm on my heart and then opening my inbox on thursday to that message? God protected me, He protected my heart, and once again He showed me how loved i am.

and the icing on the cake came at the end of the day when my friend sent me an apology. just as i had suspected (b/c of Christ's guiding of my mind not anything of my own accord), she had lashed out in my direction because of pain from her own past. and while i am pretty certain that i won't "forget" that the email took place, i also won't own the message that it sent me.

stone soup

2009-05-29T18:30:00.002-07:00

my little elisabeth graduated from preschool this week. it kind of came up from nowhere for me. i knew the year was ending, but i hadn't given much thought to this being the end of an era for her.

they put on the show "stone soup" which was quite adorable and then received their diplomas. it was a proud moment for scott and i. ellie has loved pre-school for the past two years and has learned so much. it is hard to believe that the "A" homework paper was so many months ago- it feels like it was just yesterday. she is so smart and so eager to learn- it is wonderful for this former teacher to see in her progeny and makes me beam with pride.

my lil' babes

2009-05-28T15:35:00.001-07:00

these lil' girlies have such a sweet bond. they love each other so much. ellie is always thrilled to be "big sister" and to mentor her "little bother" (her words, not mine). and delaney adores her big sister. she wants to be a part of everything that ellie does. she covets each and every invite that she gets into her big sister's world.

it's hard to believe that a third one is joining the mix in just a few short weeks. i have been looking at my girlies lately, filled with nostalgia and adoration. i'm not sure i'm ready to share them with another family member and yet also so thrilled at the very same time to meet this little one growing in my belly. it is interesting this time around- not knowing if it is a boy or girl-and while it hasn't been hard to not know, i must say i am very excited to find out.

ready to be a big sister...

2009-05-28T14:57:00.002-07:00

i'm thinking, just a hunch here, that we may need to begin a pre-baby training camp for miss d.

is mt. everest in our future?

2009-05-28T14:36:00.004-07:00

oh joy! my girls newest favorite game is to climb up on the table and swipe stuff. while it is very frustrating, it is also pretty darned cute, too. this one sure does keep me on my toes.

art projects

2009-05-12T18:30:00.004-07:00

in case you believed that last post where i was named "mother of the year", i bring you today's episode of e & d.

i have a friend who does all sorts of stuff with her kids on a regular basis that makes the rest of us look bad. she makes dyed noodle necklaces, she sewed life-size dolls with her kids and let them dress the dolls like themselves, she hosts sock puppet shows, they paint, they bedazzle... you name it my friend sarah does it with her kids on a regular basis and loves every minute of it. she doesn't boast about these crafty projects, but when you go to her home, you see the evidence. and it tugs at your guilty strings just a little bit.

i'm a different sort of momma. i want my kiddos to have all of these same experiences, just not always in my home or on my watch (just keeping it real folks). whenever i come up with some little crafty idea, almost as soon as my creative juices get going my "mess instinct" kicks in and takes over and cancels the plan.

but today, creativity won.

it was a small effort, but something that i thought would be fun for the girls to do: we made play dough. (i know, big gasp as i revel my bold steps towards embracing art with my girls. baby steps, people, baby steps.) you'd think this wouldn't be such a big deal for a former teacher, especially one that did all sorts of messy projects in my classroom.

e pulled a chair up to the counter and d sat on the counter. and in the process of putting a few simple ingredients into a bowl and stirring, all kinds of havoc broke out. i kid you not, d cried the ENTIRE time. d being d wanted to do it all. sharing was not in her plan and you could just forget about "mommy do it".

and then we sat down at the table. in spite of the fact that we play with store bought play dough regularly, they loved every minute of it. they molded and shaped, rolled and designed for a good 45 minutes. it was adorable.

and then when we were finished, i began to hyperventilate a little. the mess was huge! it literally took a good 30 minutes to clean up after the fun... (which is why i resist these activities in the first place). and i walked away torn. do i give in to my "inner sarah" for the experience or should i just sign them up for art classes at the local park district? the verdict is still out.

"mother of the year"- probably not.

mother of the year

2009-05-09T20:29:00.001-07:00

http://news.cnnbcvideo.com/?nid=0TYF7nO7xPoQoNLLFAYe4jEzMTYyMDgx&referred_by=16310347-QXTbNFx

well folks, sorry if you thought it was you! best of luck next year.

the entryway

2009-04-29T17:35:00.006-07:00

this is the entryway into our home. there is so much that i could write about this "room" in our home. each piece (with the exception of the lamp) is of value to me personally and has a really cool story or piece of history behind it. but as is the case with many things, the outward appearance isn't the same as the inward appearance.

back in november, my mother-in-law was coming to stay with the girls while scott and i went to check out california. in preparation for her visit, i took a little pile of papers that i had next to my computer and hid it in one of the drawers in the front entry. good idea, right? well, if you've been reading along for a while you know that almost as soon as we came home from calli, my mother was hit by a car causing a change in plans for the months to follow. shortly after that, we put our house on the market, forcing me to clean out a bunch of other contaminated areas of our home. as you can guess, cleaning out the drawer was pushed to the bottom of the list.

since our home has been on the market for the past 60 days (not that i have been counting or anything), and since we've had 40 showings or so (again- not counting), i have had a few incidence where i have needed to stash my current pile of "to do" paperwork. and so into the drawer it goes.

today, that ever so pesky nesting instinct kicked into high gear. i don't have a nursery to plan or organize, or a home to clean (because it has to be cleaned almost daily anyway), or the space to take out some kind of cool crafty project to work on (ie. sewing, card making...), so i was forced to be resourceful in where to channel this unexplainable pregnancy induced frenzy to organize stuff. i had nowhere left to turn but the drawer (well, really now it has become plural, drawers).

and man, do those drawer conceal some dirty little secrets. some of the stuff i unearthed were harmless- a flier advertising a sale i hadn't wanted to miss, some birthday cards i received and had set aside to save in my memento box, some coupons for some things that i had meant to pick up at costco etc. but as i kept sifting, i found some things that reveal some of my biggest flaws.

two unsent thank-you notes for gifts sent to d when she was born (i'll let you do the math in how overdue these cards are). one of the cards was totally written signed and placed in an addressed envelope, the other started but never finished. can you say disgraceful?

then i found a birthday card purchased for my grandmother, another for my friend steph and an un-mailed dedication announcement for d's dedication. i mean really! i took the time to go to the store and or make the card, but couldn't get it into the mail???? what in blazes is wrong with me?

lastly, i found two bags of glorious tulip bulbs. i bought 'em. i meant to plant 'em. i just never got around to it. it is evidence of potential totally squashed by good intentions. those beautiful little bulbs could be brightening my garden as we speak, but they never were given a chance.

and as i sifted through this drawer, i thought of life. i think many of us are guilty of living like this more often than we care to admit. we put together the pretty little package (the tidy entryway that makes my home look organized suggesting that "i have it all together"). i do it with my physical appearance, too. i leave the house with my hair properly coiffed, my make-up properly applied, wearing some trendy little outfit.

but really, it's what's on the inside that counts.

do you try to make it look like you have it all together and present an image of perfection?

i admit, i've spent a lot of time in my life being guilty as charged. but do you know what else, i've also been greatly impacted and found great freedom in revealing the truth to people to. it is terribly liberating to set the image aside and let those around us see us flaws and all. i wish i did it more often and that i didn't rush back into the trap of the image.

i'd also like to mention that my friend jesus, he knows the whole truth. He knows about those "cluttered closets" in our hearts, you know, the places where we hide some of the less than desirable traits that we possess, and He loves us in spite of them. and do you know what else, when we ask Him to "do life with us" and come into our hearts, he has the ability to transform those dark places that we keep hidden and clean them up. wow, am i thankful for that!

shoo!

2009-04-28T07:30:00.001-07:00

on monday, somewhere around 3:45pm, my girls became lunatics. it was temporary, but they were both certifiable until bedtime. (i know, mothers aren't supposed to say such things, but it is entirely true.) d was shoving fistfuls of sand into her mouth and was in full "berserker" mode. she was running around getting into everything. miss e, not wanting to miss out on the fun, decided to join in. she began to instigate her sister and break every rule in the house. i should mention that this came on the heels of their momma, getting a call from our realtor saying we have a showing tomorrow and the day after. it also came as i was deep in the throws of laundry and our entire toy shelf had been dumped on the floor- alright, so i may have been a little bit overtaxed.

anyways, after this momma began to declare order and put the girls to the task of cleaning and behaving, this little dude showed up at the back door again. i swear to you, he was taunting me! look close, he is the same sneaky squirrel from last week and he really wants in.

i'm not a violent person, but i may need a bb gun.

chicken anyone?

2009-04-27T14:29:00.003-07:00

do you recall the "sound of silence" post? well, last week, i was making dinner for a different friend that just had a baby. this story has a very different ending.

d and e were playing (ok, so they were watching tv) in the family room and a very behind schedule momma was in and out the back doors to the grill. for some reason, being behind schedule was not really concerning me too much. my friend lives close and the delivery time of the meal was loose and early enough that i knew i had some wiggle room. i loaded up the grill with the fixings for rosemary grilled potatoes and bbq chicken. things were going along swimmingly and i felt certain that i would pull it off without a hitch.

and then there was a hitch.

d spotted a squirrel on the back porch at the same time that the squirrel spotted d. she was fascinated. as d squatted down to peer out the window at the squirrel the squirrel became brave and curious. he kept inching closer and closer to the window until he was literally at the glass. i had a few minutes left before the chicken needed to be flipped (based on the timer) so i grabbed my camera (which as you can imagine is never too far away). i snapped a little pic of miss d and the squirrel. a few more minutes passed, pictures were happily captured and i was ready to go back to the making of the dinner.

the squirrel had other plans. he would not leave. and the longer he stayed the more d screeched with delight. it would be appropriate for me to insert that i am deathly afraid of squirrels so what took place is entirely my own fault. anyways, i had to get out there and turn the chicken. so i tried to open the door a wee bit and then slam it shut, hoping that the slam would scare my little critter friend off and on his merry way. mission unsuccessful! ellie saw my panic and tried to encourage her terrified momma to just go out there, but fear took over and i froze. she had her hand on the door handle and was about to open it! d was howling "hoof, hoof" and momma went running for a broom.

momma returned moments later with a broom to ellie saying, "uh mom, i think we have a problem." (smoke was literally billowing out of the grill and the stench of burned chicken was beginning to fill the entire neighborhood... ok, maybe i don't really know that, but i'm assuming).

the squirrel, nowhere to be found.

and so with great shame, i showed up at my sweet friends house with a rotisserie chicken and some of my favorite sides, courtesy of whole foods. she was gracious and we laughed, but i would be lying if i didn't say my pride was a wee bit bruised. and i swear, when i returned home to clean off the blackened mess from my grill, that same squirrel sat up in the tree making little squirrel squeaks at me the entire time.

the sandbox

2009-04-24T15:30:00.005-07:00

there is nothing earth shattering here, just a little footage of my d exploring the sandbox for the first time since last summer. i love how determined she was to fill the jar with sand and how delighted she was with the experience. i also love, in true second child fashion, how she kept a listening ear out for her sister who was playing in the yard. while she was totally fine with playing by herself, she had to keep checking on what big sister was up to... just to remain in "the know".

the sound of silence

2009-04-22T10:31:00.002-07:00

i should have known better. i've experienced this moment before, but somehow i was distracted and the memory of it was not fresh enough in my mind. perhaps, i had tried to forget it.

the memory:

back in june of '06, a few months before ellie turned 2, i was happily in the kitchen making dinner for a friend of mine whom had just had a baby. i was going in and out to the grill and sweet 21 month old ellie was playing under foot, happily amusing herself. i distinctly remember pausing and thinking "this is the life"! i was thrilled with the entire scenario- the opportunity to cook a yummy dinner, the ability to gift someone with a hassle free dinner at a time when they needed it, a sweet happy babe, a sunny day... it was a complete package moment. i can remember looking at the clock thinking that i had to kick it into high gear in order to get the meal delivered in time. i began to hurry around packing up each of the dishes and placing them into the shopping bag. at this moment miss e began to wander a little bit out of the kitchen. i glanced at her to discover that she was examining the contents of my handbag. i glanced a little closer and all looked good. she was just taking everything out and then putting it back in.

cool... back to the finishing touches. i ran out to the grill to remove the grilled meat and returned to the kitchen to package it up. quickly, it dawned on me that it was TOO quiet. i turned around to look for e and didn't see her. i had that moment where i just knew trouble was around the corner.

sure enough, the bathroom door was closed and my makeup bag was outside the door.

1 tube of lipstick + curious toddler = crime scene

i knew in that moment that someday this would make me laugh. it wasn't going to be right now but something told me that in a few years i would look back and laugh at the lipstick smeared all over the bathroom and that it would make me smile as i remembered my sweet baby e.

today was that day. but it didn't happen quite the way i had imagined it would.

as i was hustling out the door to get to a 9am mops meeting, the phone rang. normally i would have let the machine get it, but something prompted me to look at the caller id. sure enough, it was an attorney handling some stuff dealing with my mom. i took the call. mid-call, i got that same eerie feeling that things in my house were just a wee bit too quiet.

miss d had found my secret stash of sharpie markers and had decorated her entire head and face. i didn't have time to take a picture as we had to get out the door and somehow a baby wipe managed to instantly remove all traces of ink. but it made me think back to my sweet ellie and go in hunt of those pictures.

just as i suspected, it made me smile as i reflected on the lipstick incidence and those first few years where it was just ellie and i.

supercalifragilisticexpialidocious

2009-04-20T05:50:00.004-07:00

as a little girl, i remember my mother taking me into the city (syracuse, ny) to see various performances as they came through town. we went to the ballet, the symphony, plays and musicals. later, when we moved to winchester, we would often go to the local performing arts college's summer theatre. it was always such a divine experience for me. it was an opportunity to see beyond my own little sandbox and get a glimpse at the larger world. somehow, the music would transport me and i would imagine being part of a different era or living a life totally different than my own. it was magical.

i think that is how i came to fall in love with my husband. not knowing about my love for musicals, the poor starving law student took me to see les miserables for our second date. we arrived painfully early and had lots of time to get acquainted while waiting for the performance to begin. while sitting there, he reached into his pocket and withdrew a tweety bird pez dispenser, pulled back the top and offered me a pez. it was a "you had me at hello" moment! anyways, i digress. this year for valentine's day, scott suggested taking ellie to see a broadway in chicago performance of mary poppins. he even gave up the a blackhawks v. redwings game to do so! i was over the moon for the opportunity to see miss e take in her first performance (and thrilled to see it myself).

and so last night, scott, ellie and a very excited momma went to the cadillac palace theatre. e has been spilling with questions for days, was delighted to get all glammed up, and beyond excited to leave d at home while she got to go on a date with momma and daddy. i am not sure she took one single breath the whole way there. she just kept asking questions and chatting away.

as we walked up to the theatre, her eyes were saucers and her smile went from ear to ear. she was carrying her little umbrella, pretending to be mary poppins, and bouncing all over the place. it was a moment i will play over in my mind for years to come.

this is e waiting in line to walk into the theatre entrance.

and here she is with her very wonderful daddy, inside the theatre.

she was adorable to watch. with each moment, she had those "new eyes" that was taking it all in for the very first time. she was enthralled with the beauty of the theatre itself, delighted with the search for the letter of our seat row, and sat in eager anticipation for the show to begin. when the lights dimmed, i thought she was going to pass out. her eyes were so huge and she was so happy. it was a sight to see.

personally, i had a difficult time choosing between watching e or watching the performance. both were wonderful! e loved each and every minute of it- and when mary poppins took to the sky, well miss e almost fell off her chair. and then burt does this dance number where he ends up literally walking up the wall and onto the ceiling, tap dancing all the while- truly a sight to see! to top it off, at the very end, mary flies up over the audience with her carpet bag and umbrella, right over your head. let's just say that it was a wonderful experience that i won't soon forget!

lincoln park zoo

2009-04-19T06:15:00.000-07:00

if you live in the city of chicago, it can be very easy to take a trip to the zoo for granted. you see, in the middle of lincoln park (smack dab in the middle of chicago) is a FREE zoo. if you live in the area, you most likely walk through the zoo on regular intervals. for us, when we lived in the city, we took a trip to the zoo at least once a week during the warmer months of the year. i miss it. when you go with such a high level of frequency, you really get to "know" the animals.

when ellie was a wee one (up until we moved) we would go to the farmer's market that is held in the park and then take a stroll through the zoo. it was wonderful! since we didn't have to pay, i never felt any sort of guilt about not seeing all the animals. we'd just hit our favorites or walk until e had enough and then head home.

knowing that our time in chicago may very well becoming to an end soon, we are trying to take in our favorite things before we leave. today, we went to the zoo. (we also thought this might help miss d and her hoof-hoof issues. sigh.)

both girls loved their ride on the carousel. d had a melt down in the line because she just could not wait to get on and e was ecstatic to select which animal she would ride on. then when the ride began, their giggles were intoxicating to this momma. there is something so simple and so wonderful about a ride on the merry-go-round that brings joy to the soul.

d has decided that she is too big for the stroller, so momma got a work out today!

after our wonderful day at the zoo, we decided to stick with the theme and took the girls to the rainforest cafe. they were in their glory! as for scott and i, we will certainly sleep well tonight.

does your bedtime routine look like this?

2009-04-18T19:25:00.003-07:00

scott recently introduced ellie to the song american music by the violet femmes (we have a broad range of musical interest around here). somehow, it has become part of the saturday night bedtime routine. scott takes both girls into the guest room and lets them jump and dance on the bed while listening to the femmes. while i am not certain i love all the lyrics, i very much love watching and listening to the fun time that they have with their daddy.

mr. hyde

2009-04-16T10:26:00.004-07:00

while those sweet pictures of my sleeping d are still fresh in your mind, i thought i'd post one a mere 20 hours later. while making a BRIEF phone call to my sister, this is what miss d got into. needless to say, our call was cut short. sigh.

**note: i renamed the previous post

dr. jekyll

2009-04-15T17:59:00.005-07:00

i couldn't resist posting these sweet pics of my lil' d. aren't those crossed ankles just "melt your heart" adorable? i'm her mother, so maybe it's just me, but they made my heart swell. you can also see her little lovie bunnie's ears sticking out from under her and her typical sleep time paci stash nearby.

easter

2009-04-14T06:00:00.005-07:00

we had a quiet but wonderful easter sunday. we attended a beautiful church service where we were reminded in an eloquent way that the resurrection is the evidence of a man who was who he said he was.

i had to post this picture because the entire time i was taking d's picture, she was trying to rip off her bonnet and find our neighbor's dog- hoof-hoofing the entire time.

after church, we spent the rest of the day riding around the neighborhood with e on her new wheels. that's right, miss e's easter treat was her first big girl bike. she has been waiting so long and was thrilled to have her new set of wheels.

and then, to end our day we ate in my new dining room for the first time. this used to be our playroom, but when we listed the house, we converted it to its rightful purpose. the girls have missed their private play palace, but having a few months of dining room makes their mommy smile. i have always loved setting up a formal table and entertaining guests. unfortunately, this was the first, and maybe the only time this dining room will be used. (but since our house is still on the market, you never know!) it brought me great joy to serve dinner in here and was a great way to end the day. i should also mention the best part... our dinner was lovingly made by my hubby. he made lamb stuffed with goat cheese, sauteed spring veggies with lemon and mint, rice pilaf and then cheese blintzes for dessert. i have more to write on this dinner, but i'll save that for another post. (smile)

a rainbow and acts of love

2009-04-13T06:53:00.000-07:00

we had our follow-up ultrasound this week. i made it through the three weeks of waiting just fine, but the day of the ultrasound, i was a mess. i was coming off of an emotional weekend helping my mom (another post coming soon), came home to a very sick little d and became totally overwhelmed by the intersection of everything.

early in the day, the girls and i made a trip to walgreens to stock up on motrin for d and some other remedies that might help her feel a little better. i was standing in the aisle, totally exhausted from being up the entire night before with d, trying to make a decision about nasal saline. typically, a quick decision. anyways, a friend of mine spotted and me and knew right away that i didn't look well. after a quick chat, with me choking back tears, she informed me that she was bringing us dinner. she didn't let me tell her "no", she just said she was doing it and that she would call to let me know when she'd be by.

later in the day, my sweet friend jen called. she said that i had been on her heart and she wanted to check in with me. she also mentioned that she was going to be coming out our way to drop a friend at the airport and that she would like to swing by (we live an additional 20 minutes beyond the airport) and pick up e. as you can imagine, this doesn't happen too often where city friends just stop by on a random tuesday. she came, she took e and her daughter to a local indoor playground and gave me a few hours of much needed time.

during the two hours that e was gone, my sweet sister called. sensing that i was on the brink of a meltdown, she instructed me to go and grab my bible and walk around the house, holding d and reading psalms. i will admit that i thought she was a little bit on the border of crazy, but i was on the border of loosing it, so i went with it. within three minutes, sweet d who had already taken her afternoon nap, became the most tired i have ever seen. i slipped her into her crib, crossing my fingers. she went slept for 30 minutes without making a peep and during those 30 minutes, God led me on a journey through the bible. with each turn of the page, he filled he reveled encouragement to me and peace that can only come from Him. it was beautiful and amazing.

and then off to the ultrasound i went. i kid you not, as i was driving the pouring rain that had been coming down all day ceased and the sun began to peak through the clouds. the ultrasound went beautifully, revealing that all concerns were lifted. and as scott and i walked out of my midwife's office, we were greeted by a beautiful rainbow stretching across the sky.

isn't God good?

i am still absorbing this wonderful news, two weeks later. but the one thing that has stood out concerning this day in my life is that three people responded to the tug at their hearts placed upon them by our sovereign Father. my friend in walgreens, my friend from the city, and my sister all felt God prompting them to do something. and they simply responded with an act of service and an act of obedience.

i was the recipient of those acts and it changed my posture in that day for sure. instead of having a heart of anxiety and fear, it allowed me to redirect my vision onto Him. those three people (and many others that i learned later had been praying) were the hands and feet of Jesus. if Jesus were here on earth hanging out in nearby, i think he'd have done the same sort of things. when you are the recipient of His inspired actions, well, it is just so meaningful.

while i rejoice that God granted me with good news that afternoon, i also rejoice in the tangible presence of Christ through His followers.

it is absolutely clear that god has called you to a free life. just make sure that you don't use this freedom as an excuse to do whatever you want to do and destroy your freedom. rather, use your freedom to serve one another in love; that's how freedom grows. for everything we know about God's Word is summed up in a single sentence. love others as you love yourself. that's an act of true freedom. -galatians 5:13-14

the package

2009-04-12T05:20:00.006-07:00

i should begin by saying that if i ever tell you, "i'll mail it to you", i am probably going to end up disappointing you. i have a terrible track record with the post office. i can't quite put my finger on it, but it never goes well for me.

but on the flip side, in spite of the fact that it is terribly hypocritical, i LOVE receiving packages. last week, the girls and i discovered this giant unexpected box on the front porch.

both of my girl were in desperate need of spring coats. they have both outgrown their winter coats and neither had one to bridge the gap from winter to our never arriving chicago summer. the box contained 5... that's right, i said it... FIVE perfect coats.

these two are the favorites. they are reversible with fleece on one side and water resistant material on the other. perfect for rainy days! d is especially fond of hers because it is her first experience with a zipper. who knew that a zipper could bring such joy to a 15 month old??? every morning she spies her new digs on the coat rack and demands to have it put on her. a typical day as of late involves d running around with coat, diaper and shoes. and you can bet she's zipping up and down the whole time.

the box also contained some wonderful books by some of my favorite authors. buying books for me is always tricky because i have boxes and boxes of books in the basement from my various classrooms. somehow, this box contained titles that i don't have!!! they have quickly become our new favorites.

.
the next layer of goodies was of the stamping/card making/scrapbooking category. the girls and i have had so much fun stamping with letters and e is using them to learn to "write" words. she is making her momma proud! the girl is just moments from bursting onto the independent reading and writing scene

AND THEN, can you believe it, there was an entire pack of homemade personalized stationary! as a little girl, i used to make regular trips to the mall to spend my allowance on stickers at the local fluff-n-stuff. i have distinct memories of going with several different friends and being so jealous as they bought up all the stickers containing their names. they would plaster their moniker all over their bedrooms, school supplies lunch boxes etc. and me... while i was just jealous because not once did i find a sticker that said "tasha". because of this, getting these cards was extra special.

and some of them had the whole families names. they are beautiful.

the box was sent by my beautiful aunt sharon and while the popping peanuts are long gone, the smile still hasn't left my face. it was such an unexpected and special gift. and maybe, just maybe, it will propel me into a new phase with my own package sending. i started this week by sending my mom a card... baby steps, i know... but at least a small start towards paying it forward and rewriting my terribly track record.

ooh, la, la

2009-03-23T13:59:00.000-07:00

i have died and gone to product heaven! growing up (and by that i mean until last year) i did very little to preserve the precious derma organ. i washed it, with soap, when i showered. sometimes i moisturized, sometimes i sun screened, once in a while i did some form of peel off mask or mud layer- but without much regularity.

after my pregnancy with d, my poor little face has never been the same. it went from being almost always blemish free to almost always blemished. i suddenly have true combination skin- dry patches, oily patched, wrinkle zones... you name it. and suddenly, for the first time in my life, i have been forced to really evaluate facial products. this has been a bit exhausting for me. don't get me wrong, i love products as much as the next girl, but i would way rather invest my shekels on a cool new shirt than skin care products that you can't even see. but i found myself getting wrinkles and nobody likes a big 'ole patch of acne, so i guess i am passed due for making this investment.

and so off to the store i trotted, looking for something that i would do the trick without compromising my standards for skincare products (sans parabans, petroleum products, phthlates, and propylene glycol, and anything else artificial). imagine my glee when i discovered mychelle dermaceuticules! and if you can even fathom it, imagine how excited i got when i discovered that they sell a sampler of almost all of their serums, cleansers, masks, moisturizers, eye creme etc.! it is perfect! i flew out of the store with my box of goodies (purchased at whole foods for a mere $14.99) and ran to the powder room to experiment. so far, it has been blissful (in a girlie makeover kind of way) and blemish reducing! hooray!

the kit comes with a product breakdown- their recommendations for oily skin, normal, damaged, mature, combo and men. it tells you what to do in the am and pm and what treatments are recommended for occasional use. it is perfect for a non-product girl like myself as i have no idea what i really need. and for those of you that are pros at this kind of thing, it might be perfect for sharing with a friend (if your a dry skin gal, grab an oily girl and head arm and arm to whole foods). and the part i like best you ask? well, it's that i get to try them in tiny portions for a few days and see what works for me. i get to experiment first hand with my skin type and see what i want to commit to before making a purchase (skin care isn't cheap ladies- we can't afford to fall for those glitter packages that turn out to be crud in a tube).

check out their website. while the stuff isn't "cheap" it is certainly way more affordable than some of the other stuff i've seen out there. and from what i've experienced over the past few days, it is effective. scary effective and as a bonus, my hubby told me he liked the way i smell after i used it the second night (ooh, la, la).

what does a doggie say?

2009-03-22T07:19:00.003-07:00

scott and i have been a little bit concerned with our parenting these past few weeks. it has recently dawned on us that e had quite the vocabulary at 14 months and that miss d's isn't growing at quite the same speed. after a little careful thought, we realized that she doesn't get quite the same amount of attention that e did at this age and that for the most part, we have been negligent in introducing her to new words. don't get me wrong, the girl is super smart, she just doesn't attach words to the things in her world. in an effort to correct the situation, we went for the category of words that seems to be of interest to miss d: animals. (i know, how original!)

miss d is pretty fascinated with the beginning of spring and the activity of the various animals that she sees emerging in our 'hood. she stands at the back door and searches for squirrels on the back porch. she looks out the breakfast room window in search of our canine neighbor, shortie the dog. she chases rabbits and she tries to catch birdies. and the entire time she is doing any of these animal quest activities she says, "hoof hoof".

a trip to the pet store was in order! it was too cold for the zoo, but we have a wonderful pet store (forgive me if you are anti-pet store) nearby and i thought that maybe it could help her out.

and all the while, after cage after tank after cage, she was still pointing and calling out, "hoof hoof".

go blue

2009-03-19T06:34:00.002-07:00

we are considering a move half way across the country. scott and i were talking about it the other night and he looked worried. it is a lot to handle so i wanted to probe in a little bit and see what kinds of concerns he had on his mind.

me: hon, it's going to be ok. we'll sort it all out. i don't know exactly how but we'll be fine. what concerns you the most?

(thinking he was going to say something like:
1.) moving my wife who will either be about to deliver or just having had delivered a new baby across the country.

2.) how the girls will adjust

3.) leaving behind all of our friends

... i could go on and on here for a while with what i thought his TOP concern might include.)

scott: that none of the kids will go to Michigan. (followed by a very heavy sigh)

and on another note: do bald babies look gender neutral? every time she wears this onesie (which is only when her father dresses her) i debate if you can tell she is a sweet little girlie. what do you think?

the sacrifice pt.2

2009-03-17T12:07:00.005-07:00

many of the things that i share in my blog end up having a follow-up story. often i forget to share these with you and figure that i'll leave well enough alone. but this one, well, it's just too good to not share with you.

you may recall that my wonderful hubby has given up sweets for lent. you may recall how i micromanaged his explanation to ellie concerning the sacrifice he's making. and you may recall her little chat with daddy concerning the cookies.

the plot thickens.

today e had a play date at her friends house. she went after gymnastics, stayed for lunch and then was dropped off by her friend's mom in the early afternoon. i often become the neurotic mommy at these drop-off play dates because my sweet little e is the pickiest eater. i'm working on this, but gave the mom the heads up in case my girlie decided not to eat.

as any momma would, when my girl was returned home, i chatted with the mom to ensure that all had gone well. i wanted to be sure e had minded her manners, shared, and get a glimpse at what she had consumed for lunch.

the reply: well, she said she was "on a sacrifice" and had given up eating macaroni and cheese for Jesus.

hmmm... maybe we need to revisit this lent thing, but it's going to have to wait until i can make it through the conversation without laughing so hard.

2009-03-15T15:19:00.000-07:00

ellie had her first gymnastics "meet" a few weeks ago. it was quite the display. miss e can get a bit shy when she becomes the center of attention, but our big girlie pulled it off! i was so impressed with her. she didn't hesitate, she had a big 'ol smile, and she went through her entire "routine" just as she was supposed to.

1 year

2009-03-13T09:22:00.007-07:00

this post is going to all over the place. i'm sure of it because my head is swirling with ten posts at once- none of them at all very important.

first, look at this! my sweet aunt sharon (who cared for me during my first 3 months at home, after my mom was released from the hospital) posted it on her blog. it made me laugh out loud.

second, somehow my one year of blogging anniversary passed me by. it was in the back of my head but escaped me on the actual day. anyways, i can't believe that i have stuck with it for this long, enjoyed it and how it has evolved into more than just random pics of my girls.

which brings me to the topic of transparency. as i reflect on my past year as a blogger, i think about how i began by inviting you to "...peek in my window, see into my writings and share in my life and the life of my family". at that moment, i fully anticipated that the bulk of my blogging would revolve around my girls. and for the most part, it has.

sometimes, i wonder if i am too transparent. i wonder if my sharing makes you a little bit uncomfortable and if by telling the whole story i might border on being overly dramatic. and if that is the conclusion, then i guess that i am ok with it. you see, i spent a lot of my life (high school years in particular) hiding a lot of stuff about myself. i spent years trying to be someone who i thought was a better version of myself, but pushing down the real version. and in the process, i learned that it really just isn't productive. and that in telling the truth, the unedited version (as unedited as one can be when writing about themselves) you end up in a much better place. i'm not saying i am better for being transparent, it just makes it easier for me to live in my own skin.

and a few other random thoughts-
remember those deer we saw from the forest preserve? looking back, i'm not sure if i would have drawn as much attention to them as i did back in the beginning of our life in the burbs. for the past year, on a regular basis, i have had to answer detailed questions about the deer's homes. ellie has been relentless. (i can just see into her little head. she thinks they have a cozy living room a nice little kitchen and who knows what else:) she does not give up. she asks the same thing and she refuses to accept my answer- "they live in the woods girlie. they lay down together to keep warm and they use sticks and leaves for shelter and eat grass/leaves".

remember my commitment to use cloth bags in an effort to cut down on plastics? yeah- i'm not doing so hot on that one! i have in fact stopped taking plastics, but i forget my reusable bags all the time. as a punishment to self, i started forcing myself to carry all of my items without bags. it is a sight to see! when that is just impossible, i buy more reusable bags. i know, i'm pathetic. i'm blaming it on pregnancy brain... in spite of the fact that it started happening long before i became pregnant.

also, i fully intended to write a heck of a lot more about natural parenting. while i seem to have no problem sharing my faith with ya'll, i seem to be resistant to sharing my philosophy on too much else. i'll work on that. (i promise it is actually pretty interesting!)

and that about wraps up this random burst of thoughts. thanks for following along for the past year. it's been a fun adventure!

the ultrasound

2009-03-11T18:46:00.006-07:00

so yesterday, i wrote a post about having the twenty week ultrasound and what brought us to the conclusion of not finding out the sex of the baby. after i began to write it, i decided to save it for posting after the ultrasound- in the event that i had a change of heart while sitting in front of that ever so powerful screen.

remember these words from two earlier postings:
m: (whispering) Father, i'm a little scared.

G: i know. do you trust me?

m: yes, i trust you.

G: do you know i love you?

m: yes, Father, i know you love me.

G: will you walk with me? will you let me carry you? through anything?

m: i will, Father.

well, we're right back in that place. our ultrasound didn't come back "conclusive" and they want to go back and check some things out. since we decided not to have first trimester screening, the verdict is still out on what the situation could be. my midwife assures me that there is no reason to worry yet and that i just need to be patient. we are scheduled for another ultrasound on the 31st of march and will get a better picture then.

and so while i do not want to cause anyone unnecessary concern (my midwife really suggested this could simply be a baby positioning issue and that until we have something to worry about, not to worry), i would be lying to you if i didn't say i was concerned. and i would also be lying to you if i told ya'll that i am a patient person. i'm not- not even the slightest bit. and so as i sit here in this place of limbo, i ask you to join me in praying. i need it and am certain that He is the only one that can keep my overactive imagination at bay. please pray for a healthy baby and for peace as i wait out the next three weeks. if you follow my blog regularly, you know how much is on our plates right now and adding one more thing is just a bit overwhelming. and so onto Him, i choose to cast my cares.

recession fashion

2009-03-11T17:50:00.004-07:00

wow, this post has an interesting confession! sometimes, i am a blog stalker:) no really, a few months ago a blog that i follow told of a family that had a baby who was born really sick. in an effort to pray for the family, i began following their blog and reading the daily updates of their sweet baby, harper (she is such a cutie). anyways, harper is all better, but i am still following the momma's blog. today, kelly (the momma) posted about recession fashion and challenged the readers to post their tips on their own blogs. always up for a challenge, especially concerning one of my most favorite topics (shopping), here goes...

since miss e was born, i have been obsessed with boutique brands and adorable outfits. the problem lied in the fact that we were on a strict budget and i could never justify the price tags on my favorite brands when she went through sizes so quickly. but she was my girl, my first baby and i couldn't resist. after spending an obscene amount of money on a few outfits and then later having them ruined for one reason or another, i decided that i had to get smart about this shopping thing. and in the process, i discovered ebay. and once i found it, i never went back. below are some samples of ebay steals that currently adorn our home and girls... all courtesy from ebay.

this is delaney's somewhat mangled bedroom set. it is pink and light brown polka dot, trimmed in green/pink/yellow/ paisley, backed with chocolate brown. it was handmade by a woman who sews in her home in ontario.

it came with the skirt, bumper (delaney has smashed it so much that it no longer stands up straight- a delaney issue not a workmanship issue), curtain, and two pillows.

the dress on the wall is for the day we finally dedicate delaney and was $5 at a local antique store (i stole the adorable idea of using it to decorate from my talented friend steph:). the entire set cost $100 + shipping!!! comparable custom sets were between $500- $1000!

this is an outfit that i bought for d by a company that sells a lot on ebay and in stores here in chicago (jo jo designs). the top has a flower formed from ribbon and the bottom is trimmed in little flowers. it was $20 plus $6 shipping charge.

this dress is from my most favorite label, baby lulu. both girls had this matching dress for easter last year (see earlier post). i don't remember exactly how much i paid for them (ballpark of $25/piece, and they were $70 in a local boutique. i used them all spring/summer/fall with layering.

another baby lulu outfit that the girls had that matched. i remember paying more for ellie's ($25ish) and getting a steal on delaney's (under $10!).

this is a baby lulu top that i stole, oops- i mean bought, for $5. the pants were part of a set by a brand i can't remember. i didn't care for the top, but loved the pants. they were under $10!

this was e's christmas dress from last year. it also came with a velvet cape (which she adored). it was dirt cheap- taffeta and velvet, lined- under $20!

and here is e's winter coat. she has worn it for two year and it was under $15! it sold in nordstrom in the $80 range!

and so here are my ebay shopping tips-

1.) buy out of season. i buy my spring clothes in jan/feb when nobody else is bidding on the same stuff as me. i am often the only bidder.

2.) set a final bid price while considering the shipping... and then leave it. never go back and up your bid beyond what you originally decided on. i tend to set a personal limit of $25/outfit including the shipping charge.

3.) shop from sellers that offer many listings and offer a shipping discount on multiple wins.

4.) go to your local boutiques and upscale children's stores. make a list of the labels that you like and then search for them by name and size.

5.) don't make too many bids at once. this can cause you to go overboard and/or win way more than you need. if you are shopping a season ahead, you have plenty of time to build a wardrobe.

6.) don't be afraid of gently used items. while i tend to buy NWT (new with tags) or NWOT (new without tags) i have also bout gently used in excellent condition and been very happy! in an effort to protect our little planet, i am trying to lean more towards used items as a method of helping to minimize excess stuff on our planet. hooray for recycling!

7.) you will make a few mistakes in the beginning, but the money you save in the long run is well worth it! if you buy something that doesn't work out, resell it on ebay.

http://www.lilith-ezine.com/articles/2006/WalmartsSweatshops.html

a good end to a terrible 12 hour run.

2009-03-09T19:30:00.004-07:00

my girls fought all day long. i didn't even think that there were things that a one year old and a four 1/2 year old COULD fight about. it was shocking and frustrating and exhausting all at the same time. and just when i began to consider selling them to the gypsies, they got all cute and snugly together before bed. i guess i'll keep 'em for another day:)

the sacrifice

2009-03-07T07:47:00.004-08:00

there is a lot to be said on the topic of lent, and while this post could be all about the why's and why not's of giving something for this time period, it isn't that kind of post at all. simply, this post is a little story about miss e that might make you laugh just a little bit.

scott gave up sweets for lent this year. i am pretty much in awe every year at this time, because he gives up the same thing every year. and if you know my hubby, then you are very much aware that the way to his heart is freshly baked from the oven. he loves dessert of almost every kind (excluding creme brulee and white chocolate) and needs his daily fix of something sweet. as it would happen, miss e is just like her daddy. she is all over cookies, candy and cake.

and so the other night, as e was choosing her dessert after dinner she turned to her daddy and said, "what are you going to choose?". daddy, feeling the effect of his sacrifice, replied that he had given up sweets until easter. ellie looked at him like he had sixteen heads. (what, no sweets? what have you done with my real father and who are you??? why would anyone do that?) and then she went back to eating her gummy worms, slightly suspicious that she might have to give them up at some point.

mommy, the ever controlling teacher, was feeling like my sweet hubby's answer didn't do full justice to this teachable moment. (if i'm going to tell the story, i best be honest here, so there you have it: my faults and all.) and so i seized up miss e's question and ran with it, right towards my sweet Jesus dying on the cross. i gave her the whole story of how he is the ultimate sacrifice and that daddy is giving up sweets to remind him each day of the sacrifice Jesus made for each of us.

e looked at me, as i talked about Jesus dying and bleeding on the cross for our sins, with real big eyes. she's heard all of this many times, but this time, she was really taking it in (along with those tasty gummy worms). she nodded a lot, asked a few questions and then seemed fully satisfied with my answer. although i swear i saw her cast a sideways glance to her daddy suggesting that he was off his rocker.

the next day, i was making dinner for friends of ours and decided to throw in a batch of chocolate chip cookies. so miss e, along with one of e's friends and myself "made" cookies (again, since i'm all for truth i should report that they were break-aways from the grocery store). e was in heaven. this momma, in spite of my families sweet tooth issues, is not a baker. the girls each devoured several cookies, we gave half to our friends and we saved the remainder for e.

when scott arrived home, ellie, with great concern took her daddy to the plate of cookies. she showed him what we did that afternoon and then looked up at him and said, "when you're done with your sacrifice dad, please don't eat my cookies.

self preservation at its best.

must buy!

2009-03-05T12:26:00.004-08:00

if you have small children or think you may be inviting small children to live in your home in the near future i strongly encourage you to march your sweet tushy to the local bookstore and buy a copy of natural baby and childcare by Lauren Feder, M.D. i picked up a copy of this book last week and am literally reading it cover to cover (in spite of the fact that it is more of a reference book).

the book covers just about every topic that a family might encounter and gives a holistic approach to treating it. it also covers the risks of things like soy milk that we see so many families switching to as a result of allergy concerns, sun safety recommendations, healthy feeding guidelines for each age group... and on and on and on.

as a mom that has embraced holistic living since ellie burst on the scene, i have looked at and bought many books similar to this one. however, this one is the best one i've encountered thus far because it is all contained in one book and shows the simplicity and efficacy of this type of treatment.

and while this was not my reason behind raising our family this way, i should also mention that it is an incredibly eco-friendly way of living and keeps the cost of health care at a minimum.

up

2009-03-02T16:04:00.008-08:00

nothing i am about to say is by any means new imagery, but this week it became meaningful to me in a very tangible way. sometimes, it takes those personal encounters for a true heartfelt understanding to creep into our lives.

my little d walks around behind me like this for a good majority of every day. she doesn't have many words yet, so it is usually accompanied by "uhhh, uhhh, uhhh" in an effort to be picked up. truth be told, it kind of drives me crazy and i often feel like there is no possible way to get anything done. holding a little one makes just about any task nearly impossible and so i must admit her posture is frustrating to me. sometimes it is adorable, but most of the time even when it provokes a smile, it also evokes a feeling of defeat. at the moment those little arms go up, the realization that what i was just about to do is going to have to wait sets in.

but yesterday, as i was nearing the end of my day, and my sweet little d was especially needy and wanting to picked up constantly, my eyes saw her differently. suddenly, i saw her as having the exact posture that our Father wants us to have. He longs for us to run to him. He longs for us to seek Him. He longs to carry us. and while this is not such a novel concept, my viewing of her dramatically changed. instead of seeing those arms as a sign of defeat, they began to remind me of a sign of how God wants to transform me.

and at the moment that my mind started to see delaney's posture as representative of a beautiful faithful servant, my mind flooded with the lines to a song. (isn't God amazing! only He could have caused my mind to make that connection.)

my cup runneth over

I worry about the stain

teach me to run to You like they run to me for every little thing

for the life of me, i could not remember who sang that song or when i had last heard it, but i was pretty certain that i had it on cd somewhere. i spent a good part of today searching for it. sure enough, it is a song by caedmon's call titled sacred. it is a beautiful song about a being a stay-at-home mom and the realization of what is sacred.

if i know me, i'm pretty certain that defeat will eventually return when miss d stretches up her arms, but i had to capture the image on film and mark this moment. i had to stop and mark this moment where God made Himself very real to me and used my sweet babe as a reminder that He longs for me to run to Him just like my sweet e and sweet d run to me all day long. they don't think about it, they just do in naturally. and they do it with the this simple understanding that momma will meet my needs. it is second nature to them. i long to be that way with my Father.

startling realizations

2009-02-25T10:43:00.003-08:00

ok, so after ellie was born, i was a little miffed with my gal pals that had gone before me into motherhood. i mean, really, someone could have given me a little heads up about what to expect. for the sake of any male readers that don't have children, i'll spare you the details. but come on. you'd think that one of the fifteen books that i read about pregnancy and childbirth might have mentioned the ice packs!

today, at a mere three days shy of 20 weeks into this pregnancy, i stand in the same disbelief. sistas, you are not helping your friends out by sheltering them from the realities that come with pregnancy. pregnancy with number three has not been any less shocking...

here is just my short list of things that might be helpful to the unsuspecting momma trying to maintain her hipness a few years past the point where it is in reach...

it would have been nice to know that somewhere just shy of implantation a robber was going to come and take the remaining pieces of my already scattered mind. if this entry doesn't make any sense, it is because i officially have no brain left. the little i was holding onto after delaney is now gone. will i ever get it back? anyone? help a girl out.

i might have appreciated knowing that sneezing is dangerous for a thrice pregnant woman when in public. if that sentence leaves you scratching your head in confusion, just move on, but for the rest of you... a little heads up is all i'm asking for here.

when i was splurging on unnecessarily expensive maternity clothes with babies one and two going around saying things like, "i'll get my money's worth after a couple rounds of use", you might have filled me in on the fact that my poor body was never going to really look "cute" in them beyond pregnancy one (if they even did back then). in fact, you might have steered me towards the rack holding the mu-mu's as that is really the best option of protecting the world from embarrassing encounters with various rolls that i didn't think were possible for the human body to develop.

i could go on here ladies. trust me, with each day, i have new unfortunate discoveries. all i'm saying is maybe once you are in the know, you might want to share. your friends will be a little scared (justifiably) but much more prepared for what lies ahead of them.

a little chat with jesus, revisited again

2009-02-16T19:10:00.005-08:00

back in august, i had a little health scare. at the start of the situation, this conversation took place between me and my Father (you may remember it from an earlier posting):

m: (whispering) Father, i'm a little scared.

G: i know. do you trust me?

m: yes, i trust you.

G: do you know i love you?

m: yes, Father, i know you love me.

G: will you walk with me? will you let me carry you? through anything?

m: i will, Father.

it has been in the back of my mind ever since. i've had a lot of questions about that situation and have been curious why God walked me through that experience, giving me such a sense of peace that i was being held, and then not taking me down the dark path where i thought i was headed. i mean, at that moment, i was more trusting and dependant on Him than i have been in a long while. the why of it all has troubled me for the past few months.

at the end of august, we went to the beach in michigan. one night, after the girlies were tucked in bed, scott and i sat out by the fire with a bottle of wine. we chatted a little bit about this and a little bit about that... and then he brought up something big. a partner in his office had offered him a job opportunity in california. this wasn't the first time that it had been offered to him, but for some reason, it was the first time we felt our hearts stir. we prayed about it that night and we both felt like this was something that God wanted us to consider. and so at that moment, we committed to praying about it and letting our hearts seek God's will in this area. but as i began to walk the path of possibility i never once remembered the conversation with my Father.

in september, a deep sadness started sweeping into my life. i began to battle with depression and frustration in my current role. it was a really difficult month for me and i constantly felt like i was loosing the battle. sadness overcame me and i began to let myself drift from God. as i began to walk down that path, i never once remembered the conversation with my Father.

in november, i received a call from my sister that turned my life on its head. my momma lay in a hospital bed, stricken by an automobile, bleeding and badly injured. it seemed almost certain, with the little information that we knew, that my mom would not make it through the night. the next morning, with my sister at her side, we learned that she was living against the odds. and as i began to walk this path, i never remembered that august conversation with my Father.

the weekend following my mom's accident, i began to feel slightly ill. suddenly i did the math, took a test and realized we were expecting a baby. this new little life, which is certainly a blessing, just came as a little surprise. with d being under a year, i began to feel a little overwhelmed by the situation and my mind flooded with questions. how in the world was i going to handle two babies under the age of two? the verse about God only giving us what we can handle came to mind, but still the journey seemed daunting. and never once, did i remember that conversation with my Father back in august.

the next week i went to be with my momma for the first time. as she lay in that icu bed, sleeping a fair amount, i spent a lot of time praying. i spent a lot of time trying to sort all of it out and trying to imagine what the future held. what would my role in all of this be? how would my sisters and i manage her care in the hospital in richmond where none of us lived? would she ever have full mental capacity? would she be able to walk and talk again? and as these thoughts ran wild in my mind, i knew it was too much for me to bear on my own.

scott and i were supposed to have given an answer concerning the job offer sometime in december, but given the circumstances, they were very understanding and patient. around the
end of the year, scott and i felt like we owed it to them to give them an answer. the problem was that we didn't have an answer. we had been so consumed with my mom and the news of this new baby on the way, that we hadn't really been able to think it through. truth be told, i had already dismissed it the minute my momma was hit by the car. i just couldn't fathom going farther from her at this fragile time in her life. but as we prayed, as i stood before God with all this stuff on my heart and this huge decision pressing in, a new clarity took over. i suddenly became transported back into the moment, sitting in the front seat of my car outside the doctors office in august, overcome with peace reassuring me that God loves me so much. i felt certain that he would carry me through anything. He simply longed for me to trust Him.

and so today, as a "for sale" sign was pounded into the front lawn of the house i love, i stand in that faith. my journey towards walking in His shadow has been long. i can only imagine how many times my Father sat back and asked, "when is this girl going to get it?". and yet he patiently waited for me, he gave me opportunity after opportunity to see that nothing is bigger than His plan and that with Him as the pilot, i am truly safe.

and i should probably say, i have no idea if God plans on taking us to california. all i know is that He wants me to spend my life trusting Him and willing to take risks for His will to be done. i'm a little slow on this, but let's just call me a work in progress.

*these are pictures of my sweet little e on moving day and at the closing of our condo sale/home purchase. it is hard to remember how little she was then and amazing to look and see how much she has grown.

a tribute to d

2009-02-15T08:36:00.004-08:00

my sweet d has been giving me a run for my money lately. she is a little bit of a texas tornado and describing her as "active" does not do justice to her general state of being. and while it is tiring for this expectant momma to keep up with her, i have been reminded by dear friend jen, to find the positive in my little one... because the truth is that this one is filled with LOTS of positive energy. and i know that energy will be properly channeled some day, so i want to foster it rather than stifle it.

and so, in an effort of revealing the beautiful spirit of this one, i put together some of our most recent snaps that capture her essence.

coulda, woulda, shoulda

2009-02-10T20:01:00.004-08:00

coulda, woulda, shoulda... those are the words that have been going through my head for the past few weeks. you see, we are about to put our house on the market with hopes of selling and then moving to california. the weeks before listing are filled with running around and doing all of the things that a home owner meant to do while living in the house, but maybe never got around to. in our case, this has involved a bathroom remodel, touch up paint, cleaning out the garage and basement, organizing various closets and a whole heap of other home projects. as a result, i feel like i haven't had a weekend in a really long time.

what the heck have we been doing with our time these past few years?

today, i was staring out into our back yard in sheer exhaustion thinking of all the remaining things we need to do as crunch time closes in. and suddenly, memories started to flood my mind. i remembered the day that we moved into this place we call home, feeling excited about the new journey of suburban living. i remembered how at that moment, i had no idea that our lives were changing even more than we knew and that sweet little d was already growing strong in my belly. i remembered ellie playing soccer and t-ball with her daddy in the back yard. i remembered the enjoyment of special time with friends on the back deck in the summer, birthday parties, christmas, play dates, picking apples from our tree in the backyard, gardening with sweet little e last summer.... the memories just flooded into my mind and brought me to tears.

we've done a whole lotta' living in this house in just two short years. and while i don't know for sure if we will really end up leaving this chapter of our lives, i am happy with the time we spent here. and when it's all said and done, i wouldn't trade a minute of the time we spent really living here for any of those earlier thoughts of coulda, woulda, shoulda.

happy

2009-02-05T07:02:00.006-08:00

when i was in high school, my sister heather brought home this book titled 14,000 things to be happy about. because my sister brought it home, i fell in love with it. the book was basically just one giant list of things that might make a person happy. they were random, often surprising, but when carefully considered, very thought provoking (at least to my 15 year old mind). my best friend and i somehow got the idea to make a list of our own (it was probably her idea). i can remember the little book we used so clearly. we would take turns with it and pass it back and forth a few times a week. we did this for months. somehow, that first book has been lost. i swear it wasn't me who misplaced it, but she swears it was. regardless, it makes me sad that my youthful view on happiness has been misplaced.

over the years, we revised the happy book. when we went to college, we mailed a new book back and forth. after college, we lived together in atlanta, so didn't really need a concrete list because we were living out what made us happy together. when she got married and moved across town, we reinvented the book, adding some new components. surprisingly, we kept it up for many years, into my marriage and into my pregnancy with sweet little e.

recently, she emailed me asking for the book. it is buried somewhere deep in my basement. i am eager to find it once my life settles down. currently, between getting our house ready to list, my mom, pregnancy, and two little ones; i haven't had the time or energy. but soon, i will dig for it.

for the last few weeks (maybe months, if i am really honest) i have been pretty sad and down. it set in when i stopped nursing in september and then really took a dive after my mom's accident. life has been such a whirlwind all fall and into the present. anyways, last night i was laying in bed and thinking about all of it. i made a decision, that i am just going to have to pull myself out of this. i really dislike being so negative and down. i decided that i was going to have to just start focusing on the positive. i am aware that this won't "fix" my problems, but it will certainly change the way that i address them. and for the rest of the people in my little world (my husband and sweet babies) it will make me more bearable to live with.

this morning, in spite of the fact that my baby woke up an hour earlier than usual, i got out of bed with resolve that today was going to be a new beginning. we went downstairs to start the routine, and while my girlies were munching away on their breakfast i read this. hmmm- was it God ordained tagging?

"you're it tasha. remember that chat we had last night? remember your resolve? while here it is, a little push into the happier side of life."

and you should probably know that leslie, the girl that did the tagging, is in an email based prayer group with me. she is one wise momma. ordinarily, i would call this a coincidence, but given the circumstances, i'm sticking with the theory of divine intervention.

and so here goes: 6 things that make me happy

1.) my two little babes. d makes me smile (and sometimes pull my hair out) minute by minute because she is so stinking silly. she spends most of her day looking for laughter and she brings it to as many situations as she can. i am certain that this is going to be one of her gifts in life. e makes me proud. she is metamorphosing into this amazing little lady with such a strong moral compass. she has an amazing heart and a quest for knowledge. watching her thoughts and values unfold brings me great pleasure. i can't wait to see her in her teen years, because with her head, she is bound to be a light in her little world.

2.) living a life of adventure makes me happy down to my tippy toes. while risk taking could terrify a person, it has always served me well. moving to atlanta without a job or an apartment turned out to be an amazing journey. giving a stranger my phone number in bar (instead of fake digits as i had considered) proved to bring me the love of my life. choosing to follow this crazy man named jesus bought me my crown and the fresh start i so desperately needed. saying "yes" to yet another crazy move across the country and taking a risk on chicago brought me 8 amazing, growth inducing, wonderful friendship producing years. and now the adventure of san francisco- well that one is yet to be played out but based on history is sure to be worth the risk.

3.) the adult relationships that have been forming for the past five years with my two older sisters bring me great happiness. sometimes, it appears that we grew up in different households as children (and i guess in many ways we did). but watching how a sisterhood in Christ has begun to heel the wounds and how He is transforming our dynamic makes me smile from ear to ear.

4.) home. i'm not certain that words do the feeling justice, but there is something wonderful to me about being under the same roof all tucked in with my beautiful husband and sweet babies, snuggling on the couch, playing together on the floor, or just simply each doing our own thing in various parts of the same structure at peace and ease with one another. while most of my life i wanted to be anywhere but home, i find in this phase of my life, savoring the time i spend at home.

5.) jelly belly beans- i love everything about them. the bright colors, the creative flavors, the bursting of sweetness in your mouth. they are simple and yummy.

6.) the beach. when i think of squishing my toes in the sand, happy memories from my lifetime flood my mind. i think of taking a walk with my step-mom and dad in the bahamas as a little girl, a father daughter moment between daddy and his sweet ellie on her first vacation, travel to the italian riviera and swapping dreams of our future together with my hubby, building sandcastles with my little brother and sister in florida... and so many more. each one fills me with warmth.

and instead of tagging a bunch of people to do the same, i choose to tag all of you. as you read this i challenge you to think of things that make you happy. and then go into your life and celebrate those things, cherish them, because if you are anything like me, you might find yourself taking them for granted from time to time and forgetting about the happiness that they do in fact bring you. sometimes life just gets away from us and it takes a little bit of intentionality to bring us back to our feet. this exercise is part of that process for me, and i hope it does the same for you. and if you feel like it, leave a comment and share one or two of your happy's with me:)

thanks, leslie. i needed to be tagged more than you could have ever known.

my momma's journey

2009-01-28T21:03:00.005-08:00

i don't have many words these days, but they say a picture is worth 1000. i think that might be true.

d.c. 24

2009-01-21T07:14:00.002-08:00

ok, so by now, you all know about my super cool teacher friends. after i started pumping out babies, they went on to open another school. they are amazing!

last june, camia, who has always been on fire for obama, came up with a plan to take a bunch of their students to d.c. for the inauguration. lakita, my super talented principal friend, jumped in and took it to the school board. somehow, she got permission to take 24 of their little darlin's to d.c. between the two of them and a whole bunch of other talented teachers, parents and support staff they raised all kinds of money and put together this amazing trip.

this experience will change their lives. check it out:

www.sharemyinauguration.com

d

2009-01-20T18:37:00.002-08:00

i've talked about my d before and her love of doing silly things (remember the cookie sheet). she makes me laugh about 100 times a day. today was no different. while cooking dinner tonight i caught her "trying on" big sisters coveted gymnastics suit and then wearing a dish towel. i had to share (please excuse the mess:).

winners never quit

2009-01-18T09:55:00.004-08:00

last december, e began to go to soccer classes with her dad. we thought it would make for some good daddy-daughter bonding as we transitioned the new baby into e's world. we also thought it would make for a good built-in nap time for the new momma. ellie went, week after week, enjoying the class. it was a parent participation class, so each week, scott and ellie would spend the 50 minutes together learning soccer skills. afterwards, scott would take ellie to her favorite restaurant, calbay. she is a huge fan of this little diner because they have a santa boot hanging from the ceiling, making it look like santa has fallen through the roof above and gotten his leg stuck. she is also a big fan of the chocolate chip pancakes served to look like mickey mouse... but i'm getting off topic.

at the end of the session, scott asked e if she wanted to sign up for the next set of classes. e gave an adamant "no". she did not want to do soccer again. we were surprised because she had enjoyed it so much, but decided to let her make the choice. several months passed and e started talking about soccer again. she wanted to go back. it so happened that she wanted to do this in the middle of the summer and we were going to be out of town for quite a few saturdays, so we made her wait a bit. the same thing happened with the first fall session. and so we waited again. december rolled around again and scott had a chat with e.

s: are you sure you want to start soccer again?

e: YES!

s: once we sign up, we are sticking with it. do you understand?

e: yes, dad! i want to do it.

s: parents don't participate in this age group. you're getting older, so daddy will just watch from the sidelines.

e: yes, dad! i want to do it.

and so he signed her up. he took her, calbay and all, and she HATES it. for the past month, she has cried about soccer a lot. usually, it happens on friday night at bedtime... you know, the night when you are really tired, looking forward to some quality couple time and just want the kiddos tucked snug as a bug in a rug...?

as the mom that has not stepped foot into the soccer center, i've been asking scott a lot of protective mommy questions.

are the kids in her class nice to her? is the coach encouraging? is it fun? does she get enough attention? do they give positive reinforcement?...

this saturday, scott was spending some time doing a bathroom remodel, so it was my turn to take e to soccer. and with my very own eyes, i was able to see the dreaded soccer class.

the coaches were positive, friendly and encouraging. they were skilled and put together some well thought out drills. the kids didn't drool or have snaggle teeth. they were in fact a quite normal run of the mill bunch of kiddos. the parents were even nice.

and given the smile that was plastered across my little soccer gal's face, i think she likes it. i am starting to think, however, that she does not like bedtime on friday nights.

some snaps

2009-01-12T17:52:00.003-08:00

a glimpse at my d's personality... she goes into the cabinet daily and pulls out the cookie sheet. she carries it around the house and does various things with it. today, she squatted on it to drink her bottle.

and sweet little e... she is really into jokes right now. she takes out this book titled kids are punny by rosie o'donnel from back in the day. she "reads" us jokes from the book. most of them don't make sense but when she tells them she is laughing so hard that you join in with her in uncontrollable laughter.

and here are some pics of our snowy weekend:

Take Our Snow Please

As out the window, I look, more snow today,

have only one thing to say, take our snow please.

Six week-ends straight, snow, snow every where,

have only one thing to say, take our snow please, today.

So much snow, so much cold,

snow in the streets, snow in the yard,

snow on the car, snow on my shoe,

have only one thing to say, take our snow please,

we don't know what to do.

Winter, oh winter please end,

all of this snow, we don't really want it,

snow falling, flakes dropping

have only one thing to say, take our snow please,

don't delay.

by jim foulk

airing a grievance

2008-12-29T18:21:00.004-08:00

today the girls and i tried to make room for their new christmas and birthday gifts in the playroom. as i am sure many mommas do, i thought this would be a great opportunity to clear out some of the under-used toys that we seem to have an abundance of.

insert a confession: i loath stuffed animals. i am not sure why, but when i look at them all i can see is huge fur balls filled with dust mites. they creep me out. i know, i need therapy.

as i sorted and organized all of the baby doll accessories, i assigned ellie the task of going through a huge basket of stuffed animals and baby dolls. i thought about giving her a number of items that i wanted her to select to weed out, but decided against it. truth be told, i was hopeful that she would weed out lots of them.

we worked side by side and engaged in some good momma daughter chat. my back was slightly turned to her, so i couldn't see exactly what she was doing, but i kept seeing the contents of the basket decreasing. i was pleased with her commitment to the project. after a little bit she declared that she was finished. i turned to assess her piles and this is what i found:

items to keep...

hmm. it looked pretty large. in fact, it looked like the entire basket. looking at the empty bag that i had given her, i asked her where she had placed the items she was ready to donate. she pointed to a bin in the corner.

items to discard:

i would like to report that both of those items belong to me. the baby doll is baby beth. i received baby beth when i was a little girl (for Christmas at the age of 3). my grandma ruth sewed baby beth an entire wardrobe. ellie still has it. when i was older and less into playing dolls, i defaced beth with a magic marker. my own momma, knowing that i would be sad in later years, sent baby beth to a doll restorer and had her cleaned up. a few summers ago, when my mom made her yearly visit to chicago, she brought my doll trunk to share with ellie.

the second item in the bin is my koosah. you may recall that during the cabbage patch craze of the 80's, the koosah was also high in popular demand, made also my xavier roberts.

can you believe it? she wanted to dump her own momma's prize childhood possessions! what's next? my heart broke a little bit and i must confess, you might find one or both of them hidden under my bed for the next few weeks. somebody has got to protect them!

d's birth remembered

2008-12-27T17:52:00.005-08:00

above is a picture taken from this evenings birthday celebration for d. she has somehow turned one, but i can't tell you how. it feels like her first year has gone by so fast. i know everyone says this, but i just don't know where the time has gone.

i have spent a good part of today thinking about the start of her little life and the little lady that she is. i thought it was fitting to share her birth story as told by my friend Kristie here today. the way she came into the world, quick with urgency and yet a coming with a sense of peace and ease, somehow is quite fitting for her. it actually depicts the one year old that stands before me today.

dear delaney,

it was a privilege and honor to be invited by your parents to participate in your birth. i am a doula, a woman who encourages and supports laboring women. your mom is also a special friend of mine and it was a gift for me to share the moments of your birth and welcome you into the world with your parents. i wanted to tell you the story of your birth.

that night as i climbed into bed i prayed that you would be born. i had a really good feeling that you would be coming soon - so good that i had all my bags packed and ready to go that night. as a wise laboring mother, your mom and dad took a good half hour walk before going to bed. but you were getting real excited about coming out into the world and your mom's body was responding to you. she was not able to go to sleep, so she took a shower and got into bed. the contractions suddenly would not stop. eventually, her water broke and she knew this time you were serious about coming. your mom called me at 12:45am as they were on the way to west suburban hospital in oak park, il. i arrived there at 1:25am and met them in the triage unit where they had your mom on a monitor to make sure you were doing well.

i knew you were anxious to get here as soon as i arrived and saw your mom. your dad told me your mom labored wonderfully on the thirty-minute car ride - which is no easy feat. she was having a lot of very hard contractions and being hooked up to all those monitors was very uncomfortable. despite that she labored on. i would verbally remind her to relax her body and let it do the work, and she would focus on relaxing her clinched muscles through the contractions. her lower back was really sore, and your dad would massage her back in just the right spot to help her feel better. your mom would moan melodiously through each contraction. when i first arrived both of your parents were very excited. you mom was talking and joking around with me between the contractions. within 15 minutes, the contractions became a lot stronger and longer. they were trying to move her through triage quickly to get her to her room. she asked me several times how much longer i thought it would be until you would be here. i told her that before the sun came up you would be here, but i really did not think it would be that long.

about the time we were ready to move to the room, the midwife - shirley moore - arrived. she was happy to see your mom there, and she decided to check how far along she was before they moved us to the birthing room. your mom was 8cm, which is very far along. everything began to move a lot more quickly, and they were hurrying to get everything set up for your arrival.

changing rooms boosted every one's mood and we all got ready to settle in. it was a great big room with a queen size bed, rocking chair, and a huge birthing tub. along the wall was a cute white, rocking bassinet reminding us of why we were there. you mom went to the bathroom, while your dad and i got out some of the things your mom might need. your dad realized he had forgotten something, but there was never any time for him to go back to the car and get it. we were ready to get down to business. your mom tried to walk around, but you were bearing down on her. we would do one or two contractions in every position - standing and rocking, kneeling alongside the bed, standing with the birth ball on the bed. all the while your dad would patiently massage her lower back, through each contraction, where she was having a lot of pain.

while she was kneeling beside the bed, shirley checked her again and found that she was fully dilated, and told her if she felt like pushing she could. shirley took all of her cues from your mom; she let your mom's body lead us through the process of birth. she was constantly encouraging and focusing your mom on what was coming. it was very hot in the room we were in and your mom was extra hot from all the hard work she was doing. we were trying to cool her down - she would eat ice chips between contractions. putting a cold washcloth on her forehead and neck soothed her. your mom took her time and didn't feel quite ready to push yet.

as she got more tired and shaky you mom felt like lying down. so we all climbed up on the bed. i kept her cool while your dad was telling her what a great job she was doing and was holding her hand, and shirley was encouraging her from her spot at the end of the bed. almost as soon as we got on the bed, your mom was ready to push a little. she would squeeze your dad's hand with both of her hands. i was holding one of her legs and putting some pressure on her back. shirley was encouraging her by telling her how much of your head we could see with each push. during each pushing contraction you mom would yell... after each one she would apologize to all of us for how loud she was being... really it was not that loud it just sounded like she was really doing a lot of hard work with her body. she pushed for about 20 minutes and then out you popped and they caught you and plopped you right onto your mom's belly. your dad cut the cord. they couldn't believe that you were here. we were all telling your mom what a rock star she was to labor so peacefully and to push you out so well. you were born at 2:43am on December 27th. non of us could believe we had only been at the hospital for an hour and a half. your parents took turns holding you, the nurses checked you out and then your mom nursed you for the first time. at first you didn't seem that interested, but then you quickly got the hang of it and latched right on.

you were a special birth for me as you were my last birth before i head into studying to become a midwife. it was a reminder of what a gift of lift God gives us in birth and how special a moment to be a woman and to do what God designed us to do. your birth was very special to your parents because they had wanted you for quite a while and they were thankful for your safe arrival.

one of the meaning of delaney is "descendant of the challenger"... that is what your mom has always been - a challenger - to be the best she can be and help others be their best and make any environment she is put in better. your birth was no exception. she fought every inch of the way to do things the way she thought were healthiest for you and for her. you are also blessed by a dad who actively took time to prepare for you to come. he was ready at every turn to give your mom the encouragement, love and support that she needed. the strength of their marriage is evident in their teamwork in welcoming you into the world, and what a blessing to be born into a family who loves each other and works for each other to become their best. may this be the beginning of a journey of discovering who God designed you to be.

in his hands,

kristie

transcending

2008-12-16T11:47:00.004-08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u_4qwVLqt9Q

my friend kristie sent me this youtube video this week. it made me weep.

friendship is such a valuable thing. as i have walked through the past few weeks, it has been one of the things that has gotten me through. when i've been low or discouraged, i turn the corner and am met with encouragement from a friend. cards, emails, phone calls, they have all given me the boost that i needed.

last thursday, i was fortunate to be in town for an event that i had been looking forward to. you see, about once a month, three of my sweet friends and myself get together for a girls only grown-up dinner. each time i leave these dinners, i feel refreshed, enlightened, encouraged and well, it makes the load that each of us carry seem more bearable. we've shared our secrets, our hopes and ambitions, our breast pump, hand-me-downs... the list goes on. these our my girls that "know" me, not much that i can hide from them because they see right through me and love me in spite of me.

these girls helped me celebrate the pregnancy of delaney with a surprise baby shower, they cared for my family during a miscarriage a few years back, one of them even served as a doula during the birth of delaney. and while i was in richmond a week ago, they designed and ordered my christmas cards. i am truly blessed. and as i reflect on their role (and the roles of so many other wonderful women in my life- you know who you are and i could not walk this path without each of you!), i am filled with thankfulness.

my mom's accident took place on thanksgiving- and while i had a lot of things to be thankful for on that day, i feel them in a whole different way on this day. and so here is my thanksgiving posting. this year, i am thankful for friendship- with these three wonderful girlies (jodi, janet, and kristie) and for so many others.

josh

2008-12-11T21:45:00.005-08:00

yesterday i spent some time reflecting on my beautiful nephew joshua. six years ago (yesterday) he left the loving arms of his family to be embraced by an even bigger love. it's hard to imagine that anyone could love him more than my sister stacy did, but it's true. our Saviour's love is the biggest love that their is and His embrace is the only one true thing that we can count on. He will not let you go if you choose Him.

in my remembering, i pulled out the reading that my sister selected for me to read at josh's funeral. it was a passage that had been shared with her as she walked the journey knowing she would be giving up her son prematurely. it was filled with truth and brought her comfort as she faced her trials. i could write for days on the lessons that my sister and her family taught me during this difficult period, i could describe the faith that they possess, the posture of surrender that they willingly took, the peace that guarded their hearts... i'm not sure you'd believe me if i told you because it was unimaginable. watching this family walking deep in pain and being carried by the truth of the cross was a profound experience for me.

and as i face the trial of my mother and think of the trial that stands before her, i reflect back on what i learned through my piece of the trial of joshua. and so today, i will share the reading from joshy's funeral:

some time ago, a few ladies met in a certain city to read the scriptures and make them the subject of conversation. while reading the third chapter of malachi, they came upon a remarkable expression in the third verse:

"He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver."

one lady's opinion of this verse was that it was intended to convey the view of the sanctifying influence of the grace of Christ. she decided to visit a silversmith and report to her group what he said on the subject.

she went accordingly, and without telling the object of her errand begged to know the process of refining silver, which he fully described to her.

but sir, do you sit while the work of the refining is going on?

oh yes, madam, i must sit with my eye steadily fixed on the furnace, for if the time necessary for the refining be exceeded in the slightest degree, the silver will be injured.

the lady at once saw the beauty and the comfort too, of the expression.

"He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver."

Christ sees a need to put His children into the furnace; His eye is steadily intent on the work of purifying, and His wisdom and love are both engaged in the best manner for us.

our trials do not come at random, for it says in mathew 10:30 that "the very hairs of your head are all numbered".

as the lady from the bible study was leaving the silversmith's shop, the silversmith called her back. he said he had forgotten to mention that the only way he knows when the process of purifying is complete is when he sees his own image reflected in the silver. becoming conformed to the image of Christ is a process. each of us is a work in progress. perhaps you can see that you are more patient, more caring, more peaceful in the midst of adversity. when troubles come, you trust more than you once did and you cling to promises such as:

"and we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose. for those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of His Son." (romans 8:28-29)

the "good" is becoming like Jesus. this takes a lifetime. and even then, the process will not be complete until we see Him face to face.

joshua is now in complete perfection, in heaven, face to face with the refiner.

pat the pilot

2008-12-11T07:58:00.002-08:00

i left my mom's bedside on sunday afternoon. in my departure, in spite of her lack of clarity that day, my mom began to pray for me. it is in these moments when she connects with the Holy Spirit that i see true glimpses into the woman that she was before the accident. she prayed for my family and praised God for their willingness to be without me for a few days, for my travel and then she spent a few minutes praying for the pilot of my plane. i was running late and she was beginning to ramble and loose track of her thoughts and so my aunt amy and i wrapped up the prayer for her by saying "amen". i kissed her cheek and reluctantly left for the airport.

once at the airport, i made my way to my gate. i detoured to the ladies room to freshen up and gain composure. as i exited the restroom, a pilot made eye contact with me.

pilot: how are you today, ma'am?

me: i'm ok.

pilot: just ok? what's the matter?

and so i proceeded to give this complete stranger the short version of my reality.

pilot: my name's pat. where you headed?

me: chicago

pilot: oh, well it looks like we'll be traveling together. i'll be the one way up front. what's your mom's name?

me: (suddenly feeling choked up as i remembered my last few moments with my mom) sandra.

pilot: i'm gonna be praying for sandra then. and you, what's your name?

me: tasha... (and then the story tumbled out of my mouth. i told him about my mom praying for me and for him moments before i left her side.)

pilot: (face grinning ear to ear) well look at that! she prayed for me and now i'm going to pray for the two of you. is my collar straight?

i looked at his collar and discovered that he was wearing a cross with praying hands in the center.

God is good. he has shown up at every bend of this journey so far and i say with certainty, that he is walking this path with us. he is walking this path with her. and when she reaches out to him, he covers her and displays his great peace and most blessed assurance that she is in his hands. when we pray, when we ask God to meet the deepest desires of our hearts, He shows up. people are joining us on this journey, even strangers like the pilot of a plane from richmond to chicago. will you join us?

hart upper elementary project

2008-12-02T11:40:00.004-08:00

in an effort to distract my mind this weekend and keep things as "normal" as possible for the girls, we went ahead and put up the christmas trees. we went to a lot hosted by the local ymca and picked out our frasier fur. it is beautiful, in my opinion. as we were selecting it, we noticed that attached to the tree was a zip lock baggie with a postcard inside. this is what the card said:

hi!

this christmas tree is from hart, michigan. we are studying michigan's natural resources in our 4th grade social studies. would you please return this postcard to us to let us know where you purchased the this tree? our classes will be charting the locations of where the trees are sold and our students are anxious to hear back from you and your family. feel free to include any other information that you would like. thank you very much!! merry christmas and happy new year.

well that tipped the scales for this former 4th grade teacher turned, full-time momma! we snatched it up and were thrilled to be able to report back to these young students. and by the way, hats off to this team of teachers that are making an effort to make learning memorable and fun at the same time. i can just imagine that being a student working on this project would be very exciting.

happy data collecting!

and just to keep things fun... can you guess which tree is the real tree and which one is our artificial tree?

(i know two trees is a bit excessive, i'll make up for it in other ways. we have just always loved the smell of the real deal wafting through our home. we decided that one tree is sizeable enough of an eco-footprint, so bought the fake guy last year.)

our daily bread

2008-12-01T08:02:00.003-08:00

i will begin with a confession. for the past few months, i have been in a spiritual funk. my bible hasn't been open with much regularity. my mind hasn't been dwelling on Christ and my attitude has been pretty poor. i've been tired, frustrated, and sometimes angry. i've sort of been blaming it on the hormonal adjustment that comes when the body completes nursing a little one. but regardless of the reason, that's been my mental state as of late.

hearing about my mom, while in this state, with such distance in my heart from God, has been difficult. i've had a hard time running to His feet with my thoughts, my petitions and letting Him be my comforter and source of strength.

a side story:

from the first day i can recall until the last day i lived in my mother's home, we had family devotions. as a family, right before dinner, we would read the bible passage and daily reading found in our daily bread. afterwards, we would pray together. we would each pick a topic of prayer and then take turns praying out loud. this happened every day, regardless of the circumstances. it happened if we had friends over, it happened if someone was sick, and interruptions weren't really allowed. the phone could ring, someone could knock at the door... it didn't matter. my mother decided early on that it was a priority and that this time together was sacred. it happened everyday from my infancy until i left for college.

yesterday, as i was walking out of church, i glimpsed a stack of our daily bread out of the corner of my eye. i grabbed one, thinking that it would be a good activity for she and i to do together each day when i get to the hospital. i tucked it into my purse and went on my way.

now back to the first story i was telling:
last night i woke up in the middle of the night unable to sleep. i wanted to pray, but since thursday, my prayers have been hard. i need a miracle right now. God, fortunately, still performs them. and yet, i am aware that for the past few weeks, i have been pushing God away to the fringe. i talk to Him, sure, but it just hasn't been the same. i have been wrestling with the hypocrisy that i feel- pushing God away and then suddenly calling on Him because i really need Him. i never wanted my relationship with God to get to that point. i long to be faithful, to be worshipful in everything, to be close to Him no matter what the circumstances may be. He is too magnificent to be reduced to my "santa in the sky" that i call on only in crisis and only when i want something from Him.

but my heart really wanted to pray. and so in the dark of my room, i prayed. the word pray sounds reverent- what i did, was a little less than that. i cried out and let God know just where i was. that i am frustrated, confused, and lonely. that i've been wondering where He has been these past few weeks and that i don't like the compartment in which i have placed Him.

and you know what, as i prayed, as i cried out to my sweet Jesus, it became abundantly clear. He has been there all along. and do you know what else, i felt this sweep of compassion cover me. it was clear to me that God can handle all of the emotions that i am feeling. He's big enough to shoulder my frustration, He's loving enough to understand my pain, and He is full of forgiveness big enough to cover the distance i have placed in our relationship. He doesn't hold grudges and He reaches out in that instant, the one where we turn to face Him, and he embraces us.

this morning, like every morning since the accident, i called my sisters to get the morning report. today's news just didn't sound good. the doctors had decided that she wasn't strong enough to endure the surgery needed to place the pins in her broken hand. her confusion has increased a bit and she is more unsure about where she is or the reality of the moment. she is also experiencing a lot of discomfort. since she is already limited by her physical handicap that resulted from the aneurysm, there are fewer positions that she can be in. her legs are cramping up, her hips are sore, and she is overall uncomfortable.

after talking to my sisters, i put delaney in her chair for some breakfast. ellie was still asleep and it was just the two of us sitting in the silence while she ate. i couldn't stop thinking about the copy of our daily bread in my purse. i went and pulled it out and opened up my bible, asking God for Him to speak to me. i just needed something to hold onto. i started to read the excerpt for december 1st and then remembered i was supposed to read the scripture passage first. i flipped in my bible to the passage for today:

2 corinthians 4:7-18
"if you only look at us, you might well miss the brightness. we carry this precious message around in the unadorned clay pots of our ordinary lives. that's to prevent anyone from confusing God's incomparable power with us. as it is, there's not much chance of that. you know for yourselves that we're not much to look at. we've been surrounded and battered by troubles, but we're not demoralized; we're not sure what to do, but we know that God knows what to do; we've been spiritually terrorized, but God hasn't left our side; we've been thrown down, but we haven't broken. what they did to Jesus, they do to us- trial and torture, mockery and murder; what Jesus did among them, he does in us- he lives! our lives are at constant risk for Jesus' sake, which makes Jesus' life all the more evident in us. while we're going through the worst, you're getting in on the best! we're not keeping this quiet, not on your life. just like the psalmist who wrote, "i believed it, so i said it," we say what we believe. and what we believe is that the One who raised up the Master Jesus will just as certainly raise us up with you, alive. every detail works to your advantage and to God's glory; more and more grace, more and more people, more and more praise! so we're not giving up. how could we! even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace.

i read these words and began to weep. my father, Jesus, knew exactly what i needed. He didn't keep it from me, but pored it out there for me, the minute that i was willing to receive it. and He didn't do in just any old way. He used the same little old devotional that i grew up with. the one i haven't read in years, but always makes me think of my sweet momma and her dedication to raising her girls in The Truth. and as i am here in chicago, away from my mother, for another day, i will cling to these words. as i board the plane tomorrow night to go and be with her, i will cling to these words. as i sit by her side, when it's time for me to leave, with each decision, with each step forward, with each slide back, i will cling to these words.

*above is that picture of my mom and i when i was born, right before she went in to surgery. my aunt sharon posted it on her blog for me.

my mother cont'd

2008-11-29T07:22:00.007-08:00

the first picture taken of my mother and i was taken shortly after i was born, right before she was wheeled into the operating room for major surgery. in that photo, my mother had a beautiful head of thick brown, shiny hair. the next photo to be taken of me and my mother is months later. she is wearing a scarf to cover her shaven head.

i don't know why this image has been in my mind so much these past few days. it is one of those things that as my mind wanders, my thoughts drift to my sweet momma, laying in a hospital bed hundreds of miles away, keeps coming forth into my thoughts.

i'll start at the beginning.

33 years ago, almost exactly, my mother was pregnant with little old me. she was fixing dinner for my two older sisters and just didn't feel right. she went to lay down on the couch because she felt really bad. as the story goes, she was taken to the hospital where they discovered that she was suffering from a brain aneurysm. the doctors weren't certain what the extent of the damage was on her or me, but they knew they needed to operate immediately. they also knew that they couldn't perform brain surgery on a pregnant woman. i was birthed in a hurry, in an effort to save her life. once stable from childbirth, she was taken into surgery to remove the aneurysm. months passed, several surgeries took place and somehow months later, this stubborn and very determined woman returned home to her family. and while her body was very altered physically, she persevered and defied the odds. with much therapy, she walked with the assistance of a cane, in spite of her physical paralysis in her left arm and leg. and aside from some minor short-term memory issues, she regained full mental health.

this is the first miracle that i witnessed in my life.

faith for me has always hinged on that miracle. from the first day of my existence, God proved to be faithful. he saved me, he saved my mother. he made the impossible possible.

on thanksgiving night, my mother, visiting her sister in richmond, decided to take a walk. walking and praying are one of my mothers favorite things. she walks each morning and talks to her friend, Jesus. he is her lifeline. and so as i picture her walking that early evening, i know she was not alone, but rather deep in conversation with her father above. suddenly she was struck by a vehicle, knocking her to the ground. she was taken by ambulance to the hospital. the details of that ride, those first moments at the hospital, the initial prognosis, i do not know. i just know that things were pretty grim. her brain was bleeding, her body badly bruised- you see she sustained major impact on her usable body parts. the doctors anticipated having to go in surgically to relieve the pressure on her brain from where the blood was pooling.

in the middle of the night, my sister stacy arrived at her bedside. my mom was in a rough state and things did not look good. we would wait until morning for the next ct scan to see how the bleeding was going. but from my sisters description, things didn't sound very optimistic and it appeared that my mom's memory was altered.

hours passes as my sister and her husband prayed with her, stroked her pale cheeks and massaged her legs. morning came and the doctors came by to do their rounds. another ct scan was given. and while the scan didn't look good, her body, her physical progress spoke hope to them. you see, while the scan didn't show much change from the night before and suggested that surgery might still be necessary, her speech, her increased memory, her coloring, her vitals all indicated that she was making tremendous progress. one doctor even commented that the scan and the patient didn't match. he was amazed at her progress. there isn't much explanation, unless you believe in miracles.

and so today, 24 hours post accident, i stand in that miracle. she is alive. she is showing some progress. the road ahead looks like it will be long, but i know that she, my sisters, and i won't have to walk it alone. i know that the same God that brought her out from under the cloud of a brain aneurysm will walk with us through this too.

my mother

2008-11-28T18:17:00.001-08:00

http://musesandmudderings.blogspot.com/2008/11/life-changes-in-heartbeat.html

i can't really find the words, but the blog above tells the unfortunate story. pray. my sweet momma needs to be surrounded by angels right now. i am certain that she is.

a new era

2008-11-05T17:04:00.005-08:00

i swore when barack obama won the democratic nomination that i would not let emotion sway my voting. i was determined that i wanted to cast a vote for the most qualified man, the one that would be best equipped at handling the problems that we face today. and so i went through this entire election period totally oblivious to the fact that an african-american was running. really. i know that is hard to believe, but having the wrong black man in office could do more damage than having one at all and i wanted to consider the entire package.

and so last night, as i was watching the media coverage of grant park, it suddenly hit me. tears were falling freely down jesse jacksons face. he has fought his entire life for this moment. as obama gave his speech, it became even more profound for me... this is a culmination of years of blood sweat and tears for so many in our nation.

my mind began to drift to my former students. i can only imagine the possibility that their eyes will now see. for my black, inner-city chicago students, this is a role model that they can tangibly experience. he demonstrates the opportunity that can go hand in hand with working hard. for my immigrant students in atlanta, he epitomizes the hope that brought them from their native land to this land of opportunity. it is amazing!

and so regardless of how you voted, i hope you, like myself, see that the audacity of hope is a powerful thing. something that will positively change the eyes of our young and the potential that lies before them.

my mind also wandered to my dear friend camia. back in june, camia appealed to the board of education for an opportunity to take some of her students to washington, d.c. for the presidential inauguration. twenty four african-american students from her school will travel with her to see barack obama be sworn in as president. i can only imagine how this will effect them and transform their lives. and for that transformation, for that opportunity, i am thrilled with the outcome of this election.

if you'd like to donate to the trip that these wonderful children will be taking, mail a check to:
Frazier Prep
4027 W. Grenshaw
Chicago, IL 60624

in the memo line, write D.C. trip. any amount would be a huge help to help this amazing trip take place.

an end to the season

2008-11-03T06:26:00.003-08:00

i took this picture last week. right before the first frost was scheduled to arrive, i pulled out all the remaining tomatoes and removed all the plants from my garden bed. can you believe how many there are? overall, i think that my first gardening experience was successful, fun and definitely educational.

and now, i am left with my big basket of fruit. i wish that i could just preserve it and have this beautiful centerpiece for a while, but i don't think that the tomatoes will cooperate with that plan. and so now i am in search of the best fried green tomato recipe out there. i tried one with a cornmeal crust that was crispy but just mediocre in the taste department. i have also tried one with a panko and dill crust that is then topped with a cucumber relish. tasty, but not quite perfect. any suggestions?

a little laugh at our expense

2008-10-30T13:41:00.002-07:00

some funny snippets from our house as of late...

d is really into fresh fruit. with her limited chewing ability (6 front teeth don't break down much), i've been trying to scour the supermarket for find some variety in her fruit course. this week, i picked up some kiwi. ellie, ever the picky eater, has not seen a kiwi in our shopping basket in years. she was riding in the back of the cart trying to keep her body from coming into contact with the rough, brown fruit. as we turned a corner she yelled out (totally serious and very concerned), "mom, get the bikini! it is falling on me!"

(maybe less funny and more gross): our little d, who has had an obsession with toes for some time as turned her obsession in a new direction. now our little girl wanders the house in search of the toes belonging to other people. e, always up for a good laugh, like to dangle her little tootsies in front of d's face in hopes of getting a nibble. d, usually up for taking the bait, spends more time than this momma would like, with e's toes on their way into her mouth.